authority · heart · keep moving forward · power · Spirit

Locked Out!

Remember the violent spiritual behavior I shared with you last week? Remember how I said Holy Spirit said, “Do not buy what he is selling with your own free-will. Stand firm. Stand your ground. You are on holy ground. Do not step into torment or accept it”?

Okay, well since then the torment and warfare have significantly increased. At times, it’s constant, and I seem to be encountering it from all different angles. Mentally and emotionally, I keep encountering seeds of fear, doubt and unbelief. It’s as if they’ve been strategically sprinkled along the path I’m walking down as a giant distraction from the goal I am pursuing with Holy Spirit. Physically… Physically, I keep encountering headaches, chest pains, nausea, random pain that moves all over my body and does not make any sense. And then of course there are the random bruises. (Remember, we are in a spiritual war first and foremost. And the spiritual very much leaks into the tangible. Also, my body is completely healthy. I am not in any way physically sick, so please do not misinterpret what I am saying).

And while all of this feels like a lot, then I find myself encountering my once beloved past. And the past, which God has restored, redeemed and refined, really tries it’s best to weave itself into the bedrock of my heart. It tries to find a way to make me believe I should still feel angry, disappointed and all together completely hateful.

Now, the unfortunate reality about the torment and warfare is that I keep buying into it. On multiple occasions I’ve actually picked up the seeds of fear, doubt and unbelief and walked down the path with them some. However, they are so heavy and full of obvious evil (kind of like a horcrux from Harry Potter) that I have to completely abandon them and keep walking. I’ve actually stopped myself in the midst of a breakdown and said, “No. No, I am not buying this. God has given me a spirit of love, power and a sound mind. Not a spirit of fear, doubt and unbelief.” And then I asked my human spirit to come forward, and she almost laughed with joy when I felt her. And then she said, “Amanda, we are fine. We are on a solid path of provision, led and guided by Holy Spirit. Stop letting your soul buy into fear. You soul is to be submissive to me as I am submissive to Holy Spirit.”

So, I pulled myself together and marched forward. 

But you know what I’ve realized? The kingdom of darkness and all of its evil don’t have dominant territory over my life anymore. They’ve been losing significant power over the years as I’ve followed Holy Spirit down a path of healing, freedom and restoration through Jesus. And because they don’t have dominant territory, they are completely locked out of my heart. Actually, I keep finding myself, on multiple occasions, laughing with joy because I know I am at a threshold moment. A moment where they can try to get in and divide the work God has done in me, but they will not be successful because there’s too much life and truth coursing through the essence and frequency of my entire being. 

And I don’t know who needs to hear this, and I don’t know if anyone reading this relates, but you should stand your ground against fear, doubt and unbelief. Especially if you’ve gained freedom. Stand your ground and remind the enemy that he doesn’t have a legal right to come in anymore. He doesn’t have the authority to trespass in your life anymore. He’s been locked out! His power has dwindled down to that of seeds on the ground that he has to lay out strategically. There isn’t any more spiritual entanglement. What he’s doing is a ruse. It’s a con. A way for him to get us to quit so that we cannot move forward into the plans and purposes God has ordained for right now. 

And if you haven’t experienced spiritual freedom, I want to encourage you to seek it out. Dive deep into areas of your life that still feel oppressed. Ask God to provide you with the faith needed to stand up to the fear, doubt and unbelief you’re experiencing. And, if you feel that all of this runs deeper, never abandon the reality that the entanglement might actually run deep within the veins of your spiritual bloodline. A spiritual bloodline that can be cleansed, redeemed and restored so that you can stand firm in moments like I am in right now, reminding the darkness, “You are completely locked out!” 🌱

authority · death · power · Spirit · truth

The Languishing Leviathan

It’s been a full decade since I was awakened to real, true evil and darkness…

As I leaned over the hospital bed to pray for my frail grandmother a thick, firm voice snapped back at me, “I raised you!” All in one moment it hit me, the voice coming from the bed wasn’t my grandmother’s. I could just tell by the strong and distinctly strange inflection in her tone and the dark, spine-chilling look in her typically piercing, crystal-blue eyes. Very quickly I responded, “You’re right. My grandmother raised me and YOU raised me too.” Then from the bed came a wicked laughter I’d never heard before and a very prideful response, “You’re right Amanda. I DID RAISE YOU.” I couldn’t believe my ears in that moment. For the first time in my life, I was awakened to the truth that I was spiritually staring back at some type of dark, demented and deeply twisted Leviathan who was bent on suppressing my life, my relationship with God and my purpose.

And, then to realize someone I idolized was entangled with something so dark and twisted. Gosh, it made my head spin and my heart hurt. And then to consider that “it” helped raise me… All I could do in that moment was begin to desperately cry from the depth of my spirit in hopes that my grandmother would be awakened to the truth too.

So, I left the hospital that day filled with a great deal of grief and confusion, yet I was clearly awakened to the reality that there was more going on in the supernatural realms of life. And, for the first time, I had personally experienced it. No one was sharing their experiences. The truth was right in front of me.

You see this specific experience began a long and some-what challenging journey I didn’t feel I was prepared to go on. Let’s just say I wanted to pretend that my family and I were completely free of the demonic because we believed in Christ, operated in authority and knew so much about the spirit realm; however, that was a terrible lie from the languishing Leviathan who helped secretly raise me.

Now, over time I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how close we believe we are to God and His Kingdom or how much we think we know about Him because demonic influence can be present and fully operating in our lives. And, 100% of the time, the demonic is there without us even realizing it because generational iniquity is passed down in the supernatural and then given access to our lives.

So, what are we supposed to do? Well, if it weren’t for my expressed belief in Jesus, Leviathan would have continued to suppress my spiritual gifts and prevented me from flourishing and thriving on a spiritual plane of life. I mean he was definitely trying to. However, his opportunity was squashed the moment I realized I needed to fully exercise my authority purchased through Jesus. So, through a Holy Spirit led process I began to work with the Godhead to gain freedom and take back all that the demonic had stolen.

So now some of you might be thinking, “Does this mean someone that has a relationship with Jesus can also be suppressed and oppressed by the demonic? How is that possible when He’s around? Amanda, there’s no way. You’ve got to be kidding me!” And I’m here to tell you, with all that I have learned and experienced over the past decade, someone that has a relationship with Jesus can definitely have several relationships with demonic entities and not even realize it.

You see, if we aren’t accessing the fullness of Jesus and His power properly, then yes… Yes, we WILL walk under the influence of darkness, death and decay from the inside out because we are made: spirit, soul, heart and body. And, if we do not take responsibility of our spiritual lives by fully leaning into them and then allowing Jesus to free us from all of our spiritual entanglements (yes, even the generational ones), then yes, we will absolutely be entangled with the demonic.

And I’m not sharing this to stir anyone up or cause grief. I’m sharing this because I have spent an entire decade walking in more freedom, joy, love and life than I ever imagined was possible. Plus, my relationship with the Godhead and my connection to the supernatural is so much more powerful and stronger since I dropped my pride and fear and just allowed Holy Spirit to lead me into the fullness of the finished work of Jesus. 🌱 #cultivatelife

soul · Spirit · truth

Demonic Occupancy

Remember the anger and disappointment I told you about in my last writing? Oh you know… The anger and disappointment that were consuming 10% of my heart? Well… Once I fully acknowledged them and began to pursue more of God’s love, my heart began to hurt…. Like PHYSICALLY hurt.

Now, obviously when pain strikes my heart I immediately think, “heartburn.” But then when it persisted at random moments for days on end, I began to think, “MY GOD… AM I OKAY?!?”

Fortunately, I heard God’s voice on every painful occasion say, “You are fine Amanda. This is a spiritual matter. There is a demonic entity tied to your soul. It’s has been given claim and territory over your heart. And… Until you relinquish your hold and fully give it to Me, you will feel this pain.”

“Wow… Okay… Great God.” Is what I immediately/sarcastically/gratefully thought… Then I proceeded to ask Him how we would work together with Jesus to rid my soul of the entity.

And so the process of freedom and refinement began.

You see in the past I haven’t wanted to give Him the soul tie. (For those who don’t know, a soul tie happens when you take on someone else’s entities: demons, spirits, etc. Basically, I was deeply wounded by someone else’s demons, but then I also formed a relationship with those demons because I was really close to this person.) And, because I didn’t want to relinquish the soul tie to Jesus, the demon has had territory over my heart. Territory that should belong to God and God alone!

You see I have consistently allowed Holy Spirit to lead me to a place of forgiveness and grace over the years in this area; however, the last piece of my freedom came down to me truly embracing the fact that I had a demon occupying space within, and it had to go.

And… Now that it’s gone, well… I can freely move forward. My heart can actually be whole and express what it means to have Holy Spirit taking up more occupancy than He’s ever had before! 🌱 #cultivatelife

Spirit · truth

What’s Going On In There?

I don’t want to write. Honest to God, I don’t want to at all. It’s become somewhat of a challenge to keep moving forward in this area.

But I must… I must mustard up what’s inside of me to get this done because it’s what Holy Spirit is asking.

Which makes me wonder… Where is my heart right now in the midst of everything? What’s it saying? What’s it doing? How alive and thriving is it? Am I passing constant judgment based around what I see others doing or not doing? Am I talking about people behind their back because it’s in “private,” so they’ll never truly know? Am I praying for those in real, true need? Am I using my God-given dominion and authority to speak to darkness and death and command them to be still and come no further?

What’s going on in there?

And the answer is simple. I am doing all of the above. I am alive. I am thriving. I am passing judgment. I am talking about people behind their back. I am praying for those in real, true need. I am using my God-given dominion and authority to speak to darkness and death.

So… A lot is happening in my heart.

And maybe that’s too honest for you. Hey… Maybe that’s too honest for me. But, well… It’s the truth. And I live by the truth because it sets me free.

Which is why… Deep down, past all of the dark and light inside of me, I want to encourage you to pursue truth. Truth that sets you free from any pride, fear, bitterness, deception or manipulation that have control over your heart. And, in the midst of that, I hope the freedom leads you straight to the heart of God. Because His heart… His heart has the love to heal and restore our newly freed hearts 🌱 #cultivatelife

Spirit · truth

The Isolated Life

Isolation. Oh gosh, I hate isolation. Actually, I hate the initial feeling of isolation. Have you ever felt it before? It’s this blatant reality that no one completely gets you, who you are or what you’re going through. And it’s deeper than feeling alone because when we’re isolated we aren’t actually “alone”.

You see… When we meet Jesus and begin to follow Holy Spirit, we jump onto an unpaved path scored with separation. It’s just this raw understanding that no one and nothing will understand us the way He does. I mean… There’s just so much intimacy born inside of the truth that no one will ever fully get me. Because, to get me, well… You’d have to be inside of my head and my heart. And I only know one dude that can fully and completely do that… God.

But you see, real, true freedom is the reality that our old self is dead, and now we are only surrounded and protected by God’s Holy Spirit. Jesus cut and will continue to cut us free from all darkness, sickness, disease, bondage and brokenness that we’ve ever experienced. And as He cuts us free, we begin to become more and more separated from who we used to be and what we used to know.

But the freedom… The feeling of living without darkness, decay and death, it’s just so… So good. It’s so good that we MUST embrace the unpaved path of isolation or we will become bound by insecurity and fear of the unknown.

And the isolation isn’t always so raw. As we develop, mature and grow in our relationship with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit we become really chill with being free. It becomes second nature to just sit with Him and be.

And I don’t know if you’re fully grasping where I’m coming from. You see I spend so much time in the undistracted presence of God that He’s captivated my whole heart. And in taking my entire heart I’ve been emptied of all the chaos and calamity that go on in my mind and heart and in our world. So much emptiness has happened that I’m truly free. And it’s the best feeling… A feeling I hope everyone I encounter will experience and receive. 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive

Spirit · truth

Keep Following

When God gave me Cultivate Life 10 years ago He told me it would be a “challenge” to “keep moving forward,” but that the challenge would always produce more LIFE.

I believe my constant desire for more life is why I always chose the challenge. I want my world to become a flourishing paradise… One that springs forth with more life, love, peace and joy than one can imagine.

However, sometimes choosing to take on the challenge He presents me with isn’t what I want to do because I know it’s going to ask so much of my free-will.

You see I’ve learned that following Holy Spirit is pretty simple, the only real hang up is whether I will obey or not. Will I keep choosing to let go of my free-will and selfish intent in order to follow His will?

And I don’t know if you’ve experienced this before… We do live in a society that practically makes decisions for us; however, I do hope (if you’re reading this) that you’ll be encouraged to use your free-will to step away from society so that you may have a fuller life! I also hope that you’re always encouraged to take on the challenges Holy Spirit places in front of you.

And, if you don’t know how to follow Him, I hope He begins to open up a world of following to you… One that’s full of life, relationship, mystery and anticipation. And I hope, in this following, you take on every challenge, discovering greater ways to live and love than you ever imagined! 🌴 #cultivatelife #justlive

Spirit · truth

Intentional

Freedom through Christ… It’s an interesting concept to ponder… But it’s an even more interesting concept to experience and fully live.

You see I’ve come to a place in life where I feel very liberated: spirit, soul and body. I feel like God has made me whole and set me free of so much oppression and spiritual sickness, death and disease.

However, now I’m beginning to wonder, “How does one sustain and maintain his or her freedom? How am I supposed to move forward in the Kingdom of God… especially when it’s a constant unknown?

And I don’t know if I’m making complete sense; however, what I mean to say is… How does a free person stay free from the things that once bound him or her, but then cultivate life on top of that freedom?

And I don’t have an answer in this moment… I am truly seeking one with all of my heart. However, I am beginning to wonder if it’s time to become more intentional with the Holy Spirit and the things of God. Because I believe we can come to a place in our relationship with Him where we can converse with Him in such a detailed way… An intentionally detailed way.

Confidence · soul · Spirit

Alone and Lied To…

Since the age of 6, I’ve struggled with one core thing…

The fear of being alone…

Deep within the core of me, I began to believe a lie… And that lie told me, “Because of the weight I continued to gain, I would never be enough… I would never be pretty enough… I would never be small enough… I would never be desirable in any way”…

And I believed this lie of my soul… I believed it for 21 years of my life…

And the lie took on mutiple forms…

For at least 13 years I hid behind a veil of physical weight, scared of life outside of the shell…

And then the shell started to break, I lost the weight and gained confidence in the body I worked so hard to cultivate…

But then, well there still wasn’t rest in my soul…

Because I still felt like I’d always be alone and unwanted…

And it didn’t matter what my family, friends, mentors and even the Holy Spirit himself told me… Because I believed this one lie…

And so, the lie encouraged a binge eating disorder inside of me… I would binge on sweets when I felt out of control, alone and undesirable…

It was a constant, brutal cycle to my spirit, soul and body for 10 years… And I was afraid it would never leave…

But then… Then something happened… Because God, He took my situation… He took the children that I nannied and taught be about His love for me… He taught me how to love them unconditionally… Even when they might’ve hurt me… Even when they had a hard time… I loved them…

And then, after He taught me how to love them, Father God showed me how much He loves me…

Over the course of 10 months in Los Angeles… A time where I believed I was doing nothing at all, He was working within me…

Not the Holy Spirit… Not Jesus… But Father God Himself…

It’s like He came down and spent time with me everyday… Showing me how valuable I am to His heart, and that there’s no reason to allow my circumstances to cause me to feel alone… That there’s no reason to binge on sweets to feel a void in my heart… A void that only He could and can fill…

Because, as much as I’ve want to be married and have a family, I now believe gaining those things wouldn’t have filled the void I felt in my heart…

Because that void could and will always only be filled by Him and Him alone…

And so, I hope, this story… This piece of my story and who I am will encourage anyone that fills alone to seek out the very heart of Father God… Because, when we are filled to the brim with His love, from His heart… Well the realness of being alone, it completely falls away…

Confidence · Spirit

Free

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I still don’t know how I feel… kind of in shock. Maybe it’ll hit me in 2 weeks when I’m back in Cali and need to pick up the phone and call dad… and then he won’t answer or I’ll realize it all at once.

I think it’s weird for me to think this is happening to my family too. I’m used to hearing about tragic news coming from the home of someone else, and feels sad for them… hoping for the best and trying my best to sympathize… But this, well this is different.

It’s personal and real. People are praying for our family and we are in their thoughts… that just doesn’t seem real. It doesn’t seem real to be in this much pain and need the support of others. I think I might be in denial. I don’t really know.

Should I be sad? Should I feel depressed? I have an attitude that says “I’m moving forward.” But I don’t know if that’s good or not. Is that even healthy?

Regardless, I know times are going to be hard and challenging. But… what’s ahead? What’s in store for me and my future? I’ve been thinking about that for the last few days. And it makes me sad because I could talk to dad about it all. We are so much a like and so he understood me when no one else did.

I just find myself questioning so much…. What will my next move be? Will it be more exciting and fun than the life I’m living in Cali now? And will I ever find something I’m good at? I struggle with that so much… not having anything I’m good at. It hurts me sometimes… I just want something. Something I can call mine and just be a part of… Even if I’m just a part of my own life. I struggle with being a part of my own life too…

With so much social media connection it’s so easy to get tangled up in the lives of others. It’s so easy to be so connected to others, yet so disconnected to self. And I think that’s where I’ve been lately. So connected to this situation and everyone that surrounds it. Watching the emotions of my mother, sister and grandparents. Making sure everyone is ok….

And in the midst I haven’t been thinking about me at all… but when I do I get scared.. Afraid of what’s next. Honestly, I have no clue at all. But that’s what if has been for me- a giant mystery, a puzzle for me to put together. I always think I have the pieces in the right place, but then realize they have to be flipped and turned different ways to fit the way they were designed.

I never thought dad wold die so young. Ever. So I feel like anything could happen. Absolutely anything. I’m not bound to the little city of Shreveport or the south or a marriage. I’m not weighed down with debit, a job or kids… and honestly, as great as that sounds to be so free… well it’s scary too because anything can happen in my life.

I used to think picking up and moving to BAMA was a big deal for me.. but after Cali… well I could fine myself living allover the US. I could find myself doing anything just for the curiosity of it all.

But tonight I keep wondering… Is freedom worth it? Or do I want to be in a small town, living like everyone else? Do I want to discover what I’m good at in Cali? Do I want to create dreams off of what I love and I’m good at? Because right now I want a family, but I want to live and travel and enjoy life.

So many thoughts and feelings swarm my mind… and I know my dad would just tell me to be happy. He always just wanted me to be happy… so I guess, as long as I can feel happiness surrounding me, well I’ll stay exactly where I am. Because I’m learning that it’s so much better to live a simple life and be happy versus being tied down to a job or marriage and hating life, wanting out so I could be free.

And right now, I am so free.