Dressed in Lies?

I got on the train this morning and couldn’t help but find myself staring at the young man across from me…. Dressed from head to toe in some of the “best” brands and jewelry around. You could just tell he felt “cool” and “complete” because that’s what those clothing brands stand for. But then I looked into his eyes and I saw some of the deepest pain I’ve ever seen. It really took me a moment to stop staring too because his brokenness was so strong it reached out and touched me.

You see I believe we buy so many lies about what causes us to feel complete in life. Like we honestly believe having more “stuff” will do something for us. However, when I looked into this young man’s eyes, I didn’t see gain… I saw loss. I saw death. I saw brokenness, heartbreak, sadness and lack of security. I saw someone who puts on a fashion facade everyday because that’s what our culture says we should do.

And I don’t mean to sound so honest, but I just wish we would wake up. I wish we could see that we’ve been lied too over and over again. I wish we could see that no amount of tangible possession will ever make us feel whole, complete and loved on the inside.

And I know there are so many clothing brands, lifestyle brands, movements, societies and groups of thought that want to make us feel validated, valuable, worthy and connected. But then every time I look at these things I wonder, “Why can’t we all just see that we, as a culture, are lacking foundational stability and security in God? Why do we keep tip-toeing around the obvious; and why can’t we start opening our eyes to the reality that this entire universe operates off of the intangible, spiritual ways first and foremost?” And, “When will we ever learn that our brokenness, heartache, sadness and insecurity cannot be healed because we decided to buy a new top that supports a positive mindset?”

And I don’t know when we will see the truth; however, I do believe movements, mindsets and brands don’t really stand a chance to the supernatural way of life. If we want to truly feel free, alive, connected, healthy and whole… Then we must be healed in the spiritual, supernatural ways of life first! 🌱 #cultivatelife

Jaded Heart?

Unfortunately, it’s been quite a challenge to accept God’s love lately. I’ve just been so caught up in pain, anger, bitterness and sorrow. And, for a brief moment, I almost let them talk me into hardening my heart.

You see… I could feel this wave of emotion and constant thought trying to push their way into my heart so that they could completely own it. I knew the feelings and thoughts weren’t my own though. In my heart I knew they belonged to an outside threat. Something wickedly supernatural that was begging me to follow it over the love of God.

And I do suppose the pain, anger, bitterness and sorrow are a direct result of loss. Sometimes I just feel like I’ve lost so much that I focus on my losses far more than my gains. I look at the past and how painful things have been, rather than focusing my attention to the present where love is.

However, I’m happy to report that my heart hasn’t been overtaken by these dark forces. Instead, I’ve chosen to place my constant focus on forgiveness, grace and love.

And… Honestly, that route has been a challenge too because life and death keep giving me reasons to become angry, bitter and somewhat jaded. But, well I just can’t stand the feeling of their presence anymore.

You see I enjoy feeling the love of God and then giving it back to others way more than I enjoy sulking around like the plague. And so I hope, I genuinely hope the pursuit of forgiveness, grace and love I am focused towards takes me places I never imagined to go. I hope they open avenues, windows and doors I never dreamed of walking through . And… most importantly, I hope they remain my constant way of life. ♥️ #cultivatelife

Give to Gain

IMG_0526

Why do we complain so much? Why do we willingly choose to be irritated and annoyed when life doesn’t go are way or when… God forbid… We’re “put out.”

Since living in Cali I’ve been working on my selfishness and quite honestly it’s helped me realize how entitled I actually am.

My entitlement has come from several different things, but overall… I believe Americans are entitled. We think we deserve so much and we love the ideas of life and luxury… Of relaxation.

I say all of this because I’m sitting at the spa right now. No, I’m not here for myself. I’m here with the 12 year old girl I nanny for… It’s her birthday and so a 5 hour… Yes 5 hour spa day was part of her gift.

So I sit and wait…. And people keep saying, “I’m so sorry you have to sit and wait.”

But honestly, this is my job and I’m tired of hearing how obnoxious and annoying it must be to sit here and wait.

I mean, what else would I be doing? And I’m in a spa on a Saturday for goodness sake…. But I think that’s part of the American mindset… Constantly thinking of ourselves… Putting self over others…. Wanting everything to work out smoothly in our little world.

But honestly, that’s selfish. It would be selfish and very entitled of me to sit here and complain because I have to wait on another. It’s not like I’m bleeding or dying.

I think that’s something death has taught me. My dad had a reason to complain. He was in pain and he was bleeding and dying. But he wasn’t complaining. He was just living.

And now I get super annoyed with myself and others when I hear whining over petty little things. Over getting paid to sit and watch children or getting called into work and no one being there…. It’s ok people.

Life goes on and honestly, I believe, we should look more into serving others and giving to others than to ourselves. It’s not about us.

And maybe I’m maturing and maybe I’m wrong in all of this….. But I just wish we would all strive a little more to think outside of ourselves for once.

When I took this job, as a nanny, I knew it would teach me a lot and help me out of situations I was in…. However, I didn’t see myself wanting to help, serve and give to others at the capacity that I am now.

I never saw that in helping me, I would be taking me out of the equation….

But in a way, isn’t that a goal of life?

That we all work together for a common goal so that we can see others changed? So that the world becomes a little bit brighter with what we choose to leave behind?

If so, I hope I’m doing just that…. Leaving the light from the inside of me behind… Letting it touch the hearts and souls of those around me so they can become a little brighter too…. Sharing my wealth…

Because at the end of this day, the smile on the birthday girl’s face will say it all. Her happiness and knowledge that I truly care will make her world a little brighter…. Which in return will make my life a little brighter…. And I’m ok with that.