Free and Ungrateful…

My heart has been searching for a solution… For an answer… For a sign… For anything God or the universe might give me to help me move forward in the season of life I’m in…

Because I’m constantly questioning, “Why do I feel stuck? Why aren’t things moving forward? Why are all of these seemingly negative things happening? Mainly, why am I still in Shreveport, LA almost a year later? This was not part of the plan, my hopes or my dreams.”

And the Holy Spirit has led me to this…

The smallness of a moment… The smallness of a season of life… The times when our bank accounts are low and the money isn’t “rolling ” in for some reason… The moments when you know in your heart you’ve followed God just like He said, but feel like every door has been slammed shut in your face… The responsibilities that seem to continue to pile up because everything that could go wrong feels like it is going wrong… The reality of the thought, “Okay… What could possibly happen next? Please let it be good!”

Basically, life feels small… I feel cornered… Cornered by the reality that everything around me has pushed me to have complete confidence and security in an intangible God, who works in intangible ways… And that all ways leading to tangible security continue to fail me quickly…

And because I feel small… Because I feel cornered… Well I am learning to cultivate a new level and lifestyle of humility… A place where I am forced to learn and grow, even when I don’t want too…

And I believe smallness is a great thing…  Because I’m learning that a humble heart is a grateful heart…

So what am I grateful for what you might ask?…

I’m grateful for the fact that I have the freedom to live the life I’m living… God has set me free of so many things from my past, but I choose to complain about the things I don’t have… I spend too much time comparing myself to others and thinking, “If I only had that.” When in reality, I should be grateful that I don’t have to live under the insecurities, pain and burdens of my past… He’s given me a extremely free life… And the Holy Spirit is always opening up new avenues, where I learn new areas that my heart and soul can become free…

Freedom… What a reason to be grateful!

I’m also grateful for my relationship with God… Lately I’ve been angry with God because I don’t see a lot of things He’s promised me becoming a reality… So I’m confused… But then I should just become grateful that I even have the opportunity to cultivate a relationship with Him… And I don’t mean a relationship we find in religion, that’s centered around a pastor or priest and his/her teachings… I mean one where He literally has conversations with me all throughout my day because He is my best friend and closest companion… Because He is the one willing to walk or crawl with me through the ugly, low seasons of life…

And I can go on and on over the things I am becoming grateful for… But mainly my thoughts are leading me to this… As humans, that live in this country, I believe we should be grateful for what we’ve been given and stop looking for things we don’t have… I believe most of us have forgotten that this country wasn’t just given to us… People have lost their lives and their freedom so that we can have it… And I get it, it’s fun to celebrate our country by dressing up, having fun and getting drunk… But are we truly grateful in our hearts?… Because that is where our celebration for our country should come from…

And I don’t know where we are headed as a nation, but my current life status is teaching me that I need to be grateful… And that desire to be grateful is encouraging me to remind others to be grateful too… Even if your life isn’t in a season of smallness right now… Look around and be grateful for the foundation your life sits on…

Because a foundation is the basis of life… It’s what holds us together and keeps things tight and secure… And I promise, if we can humble ourselves and become grateful for what we are built upon, well I believe we will see growth, new life and prosperity like never before…

But, in order to do this, we need to get out of our own heads… We need to stop looking at what we want and start becoming grateful for what we have… We need to think of others more and ourselves less… We have to look up at the world and vast universe around us and not be so focused on the black boxes in our hands…

Life is simple… We’ve made it complicated…

Angry with God?..

Anger… How do I trudge through it with peace in my heart?! I really don’t know.. I definitely feel like I’ve been robbed of so much and that angers me… But more than anything anger is causing me to want to punch God in the face…

And it’s kind of funny… Because, in the past I’ve told others, “You can be angry with God. He can handle it more than anyone I know.” But… Here I sit with so much anger towards Him, and I don’t exactly know what to do with it all.

Why am I angry? Simply put, life is not going according to the plan of Amanda. So much has been shaken and removed from the foundation of my life. I’ve made so many Holy Spirit-led decisions… Decisions that cause me to think, “Why did I follow Him at all?! If I had known this would be life I would’ve created and followed my plans for life!”

And when it comes to Cultivate Life (the business I own), well that’s where I really want to scream at Him. Because nothing makes sense at all.

So, how do I continue to cultivate life in the mist of all of this anger? Food never helps. Complaining never helps. And since I am angry with God, He doesn’t seem to be my most trusted and helpful companion right now.

But isn’t it supposed to be faith (believing in God’s existence and that He’s rewarded us with goodness in the past) that gets us by in times like these? Life has been great in so many seasons before. I have seen opportunities constantly open up and I have felt so much excitement, joy and goodness in my heart…

But in this moment, well I don’t see any of those things happening… And it’s discouraging…

But then it’s been advised that I keep moving forward, even though I don’t feel inspired, motivated or excited at all…. That I move forward with patience, persistence and perseverance…

I guess that’s really what so much of this life is about though… That even when we don’t understand God and His ways that we still choose to follow Him because He does provide the most spiritually uplifting and good life.

But, I’m gonna be really honest. The closer I get to God, the more and more my relationship with Him is like a relationship with any person I am close too… And in any relationship there are times where you don’t really understand why a person does what they do… But I do love Him more than anything or anyone… And I do continue to talk to Him and spend time with Him all the time… But I still want to smack Him in the face and ask, “What the hell are you doing with my life because it’s super annoying and I feel like a fool for following you!”

But… Then, maybe I am on one of the biggest learning curves of my life to date… Meaning, when I look back, I’ll be grateful for the time of anger… Grateful for the growth. And even more grateful for God being God.

It’s All Crumbling…

Over the past few weeks I’ve come in contact with so many people who’s worlds are crumbling to the ground…

Everything they hold dear is being shaken…

From relationships, to deaths to sickness and tragedy… This world is evolving into a darker, sicker and more painful place than it was before…

And as I have conversations with people from all walks of life, my continued questions are, “What and who are you founded in? When you lay your head down on your pillow at night, what are you placing your identity in? What and who defines you?”

And for most the answer is the same… Too many are defined by the tangible… By the world the surrounds us…

When I say the world, I’m speaking to anyone that places their faith, hope and love in what we see… In people, things, jobs, institutions, the government and money… Life that is altogether here one moment and gone the next… The white noise that seems to dictate our lifestyles on the regular because we don’t know what we would do without it…

Let me say something for a moment… And I’m speaking to people in the church too who think in their minds (not in their hearts and with their spirits) that they are stable…

The only thing our life should ever lay a foundation on is God and His faith, hope and love… Not on a Bible, a pastor, a relationship, a job, makeup/clothes/shoes/electronics/furniture, the government, institutions, or money…

We try so hard to establish our careers, buy big houses, own expensive things and go on grand vacations… And what for? To show it off and say, “Look what I’ve accomplished! Look where I am! Look what I own! Look how hard I struggled to reach this success!”

But have you ever focused your attention on being at peace first? Have you ever ventured into the love that comes when we allow Father God to be in the center of our lives? Have you ever lived a life of faith, trusting that God is meeting all of your needs, not your wants?

Because I don’t believe He can properly connect with people that place their heart and energy into the tangible… I believe His Holy Spirit is searching for a group of people right now that say, “I will walk (not hustle or remain stagnant) with You through the ups and downs of life. Because You are the only One that can sustain me when everything is falling apart. You are the only One that continues to take the evil of this world and turn it for good. You in all that You are are enough for me.”

And sometimes it can seem a little crazy. “Ok, I’m going to place my lack of understanding, my fears, my failures… My whole life into the hands of someone who I can’t see… And then He’s gonna make it better? But all I know is this other way of life!”

But I believe that’s the great thing about learning how to have faith and trust in God. Through His unseen process, we give up the things of this world that own us for the one thing we can never own… Which is God. And then we allow His Spirit to completely lead us on this journey… And sometimes the journey is ugly and painful, but we can still have joy, peace, hope and love in the midst of this thing called Life.

The Follow…

The follow…

What does that even mean?… Follow… But who are we following?… Why are we following Him?… How do we follow Him?…

Since I was a child, I was taught to follow one person over everyone else in my life…

That person is the Holy Spirit… Or the Spirit of God…

And I haven’t always been the best at following… Because life is a journey… And a relationship with Him is a real thing… Meaning it takes time to cultivate a relationship with Him, to trust Him over everything and everyone else…

And He is not an “it”… He is the person of God… The personality of God… The part of God that is a part of our life on a moment by moment basis…

And following Him is such a unique journey…

Because when we choose to follow Him, we never feel alone… We always feel surrounded…

And the fellowship He brings is so real, authentic, genuine and true… I really, truly love it so much more than anything I know…

Where would I be without the fellowship of the Holy Spirit?.. Without His constant companionship…

And, the good news is… This relationship with Him is available to every single one of us… Not one person is excluded from a full life, filled with constant companionship with Him…

And I’m not talking about a life of “hints” from God… I am talking about a real, one-on-one significant relationship with the Spirit of God… With the person of God…

He is the realest one I know… Realer than you and me… So evident and apparent in life on a daily basis…

He gives me more fellowship than any person ever could because He is there for me when people aren’t… When humans fail me, my connection to Him is there… And it is strong…

And in this moment of my life, I know no other way to explain the Holy Spirit to you than to say He is the person of God… And to encourage you to gain a clear or clearer connection to Him… To begin to follow Him and His ways… Because, though He will lead us into an unknown life, He leads us into a GOOD LIFE…

A flourishing life… A whole life… A complete life… A life of fullness like Jesus said we would have… Because Jesus promised we would do greater things once He was gone… He promised to send His Spirit to fill us… To be within us… That we will perform miracles through Him, in the name of Jesus…

So following Him means life doesn’t belong to us… It means we are constantly surrounded by His presence… Never actually in control… On journey that will blow our minds… Because He leads as the wind blows…

Are You Lit?..

“It’s gonna be lit!”

These four words constantly tumble out of the mouth of a teenager I’m close too…

Now, if you’re anything like me, then you’re trying to stay up to date with “what the kids are saying today…”

Because, well why not… They are the future…

And since they are the future, well I’ve pondered this word “lit” for a moment… And my thoughts have led me to this…

Are we lit?…

Seriously… Are our souls lit on the inside?..

Do we have some type of light turned on in us that’s shining out for darkness to see and feel?…

Because I believe, more than ever before, we need to become “lit” on the inside… We need a constant stream of light flowing from us…

Because our use of darkness has increased… We are now creating more hate, bitterness, anger, pride, lust, jealousy and envy…

And… A lot of times, I can feel the darkness all around me… Sometimes it even resides in my own heart… But then I’m quick to ask myself, “Am I lit?”

And if I don’t find myself lit… Well, how can I become lit?.. How can I become bright again?..

I believe that each soul needs light… That light is the basic necessity of the soul…That the soul craves light like our bodies crave food…  That without it, the soul is dull, dark and dead…

So… If you’re like me… If you find yourself dualing with darkness and in great need of light… Or, if you’ve never been “lit” from the inside… Please know that the light I talk about can be found in its purest form in the heart of an Intangible God… 

And… When we feel down, low and altogether dull, there is something greater than what we are feeling… And that greater thing, who is simply God, can and will give us light when we choose to accept His love…

Light that will fill us up and cause us to feel so whole and complete… So alive and with filled with Life!..

Cake Box Love…

 Love… What is it?… We all crave it… We all innately need it in the core of our very being… Spirit, soul and body, we are longing for love…

But not the love that we are so earnest to spread right now… The type of love we are so eager to spread right now is cheap… It’s surface… It’s not nourishing us on a spiritual level…

Think about this…

When we bake and then eat a box cake (you know like Betty Crocker or Duncan Hines), we are mainly baking it and eating it because it is simple… It’s easy to for us to whip up, throw in the oven and then eat… But the downside is, box cake is addicting… It’s filled with refined sugar and white flour… It might be really appealing and pleasant in the moment, but it really has no nourishing effect on our body…

But… When we take the time to bake a cake from scratch, using all natural ingredients… Our experience is different… Because the time we take to use natural ingredients ensures that our bodies will be nourished…

And… This… This is how I think of love…

Right now, we stand at a time where we are purchasing “cake box” love… Cheap, addictive love… Love that doesn’t truly nourish us on the inside… This love seems like a good thing… It’s cheap to make, cheap to consume, cheap to give and cheap to the soul…

However, there is a love out there, a love that surpasses this instant, cheap and ever addicting “cake box” love we are creating, consuming and passing around…

This love is truly authentic…

It hasn’t been changed by man… It hasn’t been wrecked by religion… It is clean… It is nourishing and uplifting to our soul… It is good… It takes time to cultivate… It, in it’s very essence, is from the very heart of God…

And I don’t mean to be the one shinning a light on this “cake box” love… But it has got to go…

We now need, more than ever, to find a way to create, consume and give away authentic, long-lasting love… Because this cheap “cake box” love will never truly be enough…

And, so if you see at all what I mean by this, I genuinely hope a spirit of authentic love comes into your life and that you feel inspired and motivated to give it away to those you come in contact with… Because this love… This love is always good… It is constantly consistent to our soul…

Battle of Passion and Purpose…

Passion and purpose… Two things I’ve, at times, desperately searched to find… To make sense of… To discover within my own life…

And I’ve come to a place in my heart… A place where I am completely confident that I have discovered both… But, well… With this discovery I question, “Now what? Now what do I do with them?”…

I’ve found my passion to be the pursuit of Life and God… I say the pursuit of both because I believe they are both very interchangeable… That Life and God are very similar in their teachings and wisdom… And that they work together for the good of the earth, the tangible and mankind…

And I love my passion… I constantly get lost in thought and obsession over it… Trying to voyage forward in discovery of more… How to gain more and how to then give more…

And I say give more… Because my purpose is Cultivate Life… To put together a place for people of all walks of life to discover Life, God and health… To encourage and inspire others to find truth within the goodness of Life and God…

img_5254But my purpose isn’t something I love to approach everyday… Because it doesn’t drive me… My passion drives me… And so, well I let my purpose kind of just sit sometimes… It makes me nervous… It makes me anxious… I get fearful around it…

And I constantly have to remind myself that my purpose and passion are both God-given… That they can and will work together for good, the more I choose to work with them…

And… Like I said, sometimes it’s a challenge for me to embrace my purpose… To actually place myself out there into unknown territory and move with where my passion is leading me…

Because sometimes my passion leads me to unfamiliar places in life… Places that encourage me to actually use my purpose…

And I don’t know if anyone feels this way in their heart today… Like they are constantly struggling to find a balance between passion and purpose… But I believe that passion needs purpose… That passion is fuel for the fire that is purpose… That we need both to be successful in our destiny in Life… And that we need to embrace both whole-heartily to feel complete and whole… To actually flourish from the inside out…

And, so… I hope that anyone reading this feels encouraged to know that you aren’t alone… Even if you’re still searching for your passion and purpose, please know that they are both out there… That they are both waiting to be discovered… That we all have them… And, quite possibly, they are found in the things we love the most… The things that purely drive us every single day… The things that are pure in our hearts… That we simply can’t ever stop talking about or get enough of…