disappointment · healing · lies, deception & manipulation · love of god · redeem · refine · restore

For the Love of God

“But the disappointment God… It’s SO heavy. I don’t want to feel it anymore. I don’t want to carry it anymore. Plus… Paired with the anger… The anger that’s still consuming 10% of my heart… Well the anger really makes the disappointment feel all consuming at times.”

This is me. This is me working through more brokenness with God. And… Well… You’d think, at this point, my healing would be complete in this area. But… it’s just SO deep. All of it. The brokenness touches every layer of my essence… From my human spirit, to my soul and then impacts my body in ways that it shouldn’t.

And I’ve forgiven. I’ve forgiven and chosen to move past a lot of the pain and heartache. But sometimes… Gosh sometimes I feel like the disappointment will never go away. And then I can’t seem to quite understand “why?” Why did it have to play out like this?

Actually… I’m not stupid. I understand “why,” but then I’d rather live in the deception of the past. The deception and manipulation was just so fanatical and illusive… Almost like I was living in a dream I’d never wake up from and have to take responsibility for.

But… Then… Well, I woke up from that dream several years ago and was forced to enter a world of truth and disappointment. And, some days (though they are few and far between) I still feel like I’m still waking up to an undiscovered layer of truth and disappointment.

So… what am I to do with layers upon layers of continued disappointment? Well that’s what I’ve been asking God.

And… Do you know what He keeps showing me?

Love.

Of course, it’s been way too simple for me to process at once. But everyday I hear Him say, “My love for you woke you up from the fanatical, illusive dream. My love for you drove out the lies, deception and manipulation you both created. My love protected you. It empowered you. It’s given you the ability to constantly move forward, one whole and complete step at a time. And maybe you still feel angry and disappointed. I don’t blame you. The deception was deep; however, keep focusing on My love. Keep your eyes anchored to My heart. For inside of it you will discover the healing your heart is seeking.” 🌱 #cultivatelife

focus · heart · isolation

What’s In HIS Heart?

Can I ask a question?… Or more so a series of questions?

In the midst of this great awakening, are we constantly and consistently focused on the heart of God and what He’s doing? Have we set aside isolated time… Time where we can focus on the will of God and what He truly wants as we move forward?

Are we allowing Him to use us based around what He’s saying… Not around what social media is telling us to do and say?

Also… Do we hope to see more truth revealed so that deception and manipulation cannot hide anymore?

Oh! And… what about healing? Do we hope the exposure of evil, wickedness and darkness is followed by a powerful gust of healing and restoration from the Holy Spirit for our country’s soul?

And if so, are we praying His movement is holy and pure… Something that is sanctified and structured in the heart of God where love dwells?

You see I ask all of these questions because they are things I keep asking myself. I need to know if my own heart is turned towards the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I need to remind myself that this is about His Kingdom for His glory. I need the God-head to continuously push my heart towards healing and deliverance of sickness, pain and disease of the spirit, soul and body. I need the Holy Spirit to continue to probe around inside of my heart and push me towards the fulness of life through Jesus Christ.

So… Are you focused in on His heart? 🌱#cultivatelife