The Crown

Last night I found myself in the midst of deep internal conflict. Why? Well, I was wrestling with God’s will verses my will… this happens frequently.

Well, in the middle of expressing my internal struggle my sister just happened to be watching “The Crown” on Netflix. All of a sudden she said, “Shhhh! Listen to what she (the lead characters grandmother) is saying. I think it will help you.”

So I got quiet and listened. And here’s what she said:

“I have seen three great monarchies brought down through their failure to separate personal indulgences from duty. You must not allow yourself to make similar mistakes. And while you mourn your father, you must also mourn someone else. Elizabeth Mountbatten. For she has now been replaced with another person, Elizabeth Regina. The two Elizabeths will frequently be in conflict with one another. The fact is, the crown must win. It must always win.”

You see after I heard that statement, I just kind of sat back and breathed…. Because I understood, yet again, what I should do.

I believe when we come into the Kingdom of God we are asked to leave our old self at the door and place a crown of royalty upon our head. And because we wear this crown we must represent everything it stands for.

And I’m not going to lie, it’s a challenge to continue to allow the crown to win. Because as we do we let go of more of our selfishness, self-centeredness and human desire to live the life we want verses the life He wants for us.

And I get it, not everyone is going to surrender their entire self to the plans, purposes and desires of God… But I am. And I hope to continue to do it to such a level that others will eventually follow…. That they’ll follow me as I follow God into His Kingdom.

Hide-and-Seek

You know those days when you feel like everything’s an uphill climb? You know… the ones that make you feel like you’re never going to reach the destination?

Yeah, that’s how I’ve been for about three days now. And it’s not that it’s a depressing feeling. Because I definitely know what that feels like.. It’s more of a “Come on God! I’m ready! You told me to follow and follow and follow. And so I have. And then you told me to be ready and so I’ve prepared myself. So WHEN… WHEN is everything you’ve been speaking so highly of going to accumulate and come to fruition in my life? Because here I am. Ready and willing to be all you need me to be in the Kingdom.”

Yeah… That’s been me for three days… A constant reverberation to Him and myself about how ready I am.

But then I feel like He’s kind of playing hide-and-seek… Almost like there’s more to be discovered on this journey of being prepared… Almost like there’s a deeper revelation behind what I currently see.

And so I am intrigued. Actually I’m so intrigued that I’m willing to step out into the unknown more than ever before… And I don’t really feel fear or caution anymore. I just feel surrounded by pure peace, strength and love. It’s almost like He’s been calling me to this place for so long… And I thought this place would be a destination, but really it’s just the start of something bold and new and alive.

So… well, i’m fully willing to find Him in the midst of it all. Because I believe in this game of hide-and-seek I’m going to discover the most beautiful, yet authentic version of Jesus ever experienced.

Just a Prince

Yesterday I was on the train heading uptown to SoHo… My stop, “Prince Street.”

Right before the train came to a stop, a new thought jumped on board… “If Satan is just a prince of this world, then why are we letting him reign over it?”

Immediately my mind started to ponder the reality.

You see I believe when we accept Jesus Christ we are invited into the Kingdom of God to cultivate life… Funny thing, the life around us (or the world) is ruled by an insecure, yet very crafty prince of darkness. But then God asks us to take on our royalty and to reign over this prince.

Because I believe God’s view of us is higher than the view He has of Satan. It’s kind of like the monarchy in England. Harry and William are both princes. Both respect their grandmother. They do not try to overthrow her. And they also realize William will be given the power and authority to reign over the people after his grandmother and father pass away. And then Harry knows and understands, and hopefully respects his brother’s anointing and given authority too. He would never overstep it or overthrow it.

So then my question is, “Why do we allow Satan (who is just a prince) to overstep our God-given power, anointing and authority? Why do we casually sit back and allow him to reign over our lives and decide what rules and reigns in the world? Why have believers in Christ become insecure, pathetic losers who just sit in a corner and cry, when we could just take back what’s rightfully ours?”

As a body of people who are supposed to represent Christ… I believe we are lame. I believe we are trying too hard to be relevant and hip with the culture of Satan when God says, “UMMM, Hello! I called you to stand out and be different and actually make a freaking impact because you have been given the power and authority.”

You see I believe our power, authority and anointing through Christ should actually set us apart. Not the way we dress or the things we have or the messages we preach… But the glory of God we walk in through the Spirit in every moment.

So if you half-way see what I am saying… Then please, wake up and take back your God-given power and authority back right now.

Just Righteous

What do you see when you look at this photo? I see a sassy, insecure and entitled girl.. I see a girl that is essentially covered in sin and filth and all that distracts me from God’s goodness and truth for my life.

Now what does God see when He looks at this photo? I believe He sees an obedient, secure and righteous woman who is a queen in His Kingdom. I believe He sees a woman clothed in His strength and dignity and goodness for my life.

Now… you might be wondering why I’m saying these things and what it really means… So I’ll tell you.

You see I believe God is a King that humbly stands at the foundation of His Kingdom. He is a King that reigns with righteousness in one hand and justice in the other. And you know what? When He looks at the righteousness He sees grace… He sees that you have right to stand in His Kingdom because of Jesus Christ. And then I believe He looks at the other hand and sees justice.. And the Justice He has in His hand is pure… It’s unfiltered and real. It causes Him to uphold the law of grace that’s in His other hand.

You see I believe we, as humans, look at ourselves and others the way I look at the picture of myself above. But then God doesn’t look at it that way… Because what He holds in His hands causes Him to only see the good… He only sees you operating at your highest and most valuable potential.. Which is to be a child that has been granted access as a king/queen in His Kingdom.

And I’m not sure if this makes complete sense. Honestly it’s blowing my mind as I write it; however, I long to see myself and others the way God does. With a heart of righteousness and justice for all eternity.

Feeling like a Nine Year Old…

For about a week and a half… A conversation has resonated in my mind…

I was in the car on the way to a birthday party… The nine year old girl in the backseat said, “will we have to pay for tickets to the Beyoncé concert?!”…

Her aunt and I immediately giggled… And then I said, “sweetheart, between your aunt and father… You’ll never have to pay for a concert ticket”…

Now the girl is only nine… Meaning she hasn’t quite realized who her father is yet… It hasn’t registered with her that she has benefits that most children will only dream about…

She has yet to “get” that she is capable of asking for so much… And that she doesn’t have to worry about going without…

So… Right now… I feel like this nine year old…

I haven’t quite realized who my Father in Heaven is… I don’t see that I am capable of asking for so much… I don’t yet see that He owns everything… It hasn’t registered with me that it’s His good intention to give me the Kingdom… And that He delights in seeing me happy…

Because… Like so many… Our mindsets aren’t in a place of royalty… We more so believe we have to work hard… That we have to prove that we are a child of God…

But… Like this nine year old… I truly believe… Soon… I am going to realize who I am as a child of God… And I believe that when I do… Well I’ll begin to realize I never ever had anything to worry, fear or be anxious about…

And I believe I’ll see my Father in a new way… For who He is and how He works… For the things He does for those He loves…

And… How effortless it is for Him to just “get” the Beyoncé tickets…

Kingdom Timing…

 The word timing is a word I’ve heard my entire life…

It’s been expressed in different ways… But I feel like the way it’s been stressed to me the most is “God’s timing…”

Those two words together have always caused curiosity to bubble up inside of me… Because… Well I’ve never understood them…

And honestly, well… I still don’t understand them…

But I do see… As I gain a clear preception of who I am as a daughter of God… Well I see that timing is key…

For years there have been things I’ve wanted… That I’ve literally dreamed about and hoped for… That I’ve chased after with curiosity and a sort of passion…

And sometimes I believed I was crazy for wanting them all… But then I always believed that they could become a reality…

And then I would constantly hear, “It’s not time. In God’s time..” Even my dreams consisted of phrases that included the words timing…

And so somewhere… In the span of the last two years… Well I’ve become lost in the moment… I’ve become so wrapped up in each and every moment… And their passing… I’ve been fulfilled with how pregnant with life they’ve been… And in so many ways, well I’ve forgotten about dreams and the timing of God..

Now… Now here I stand… And I am simply amazed by God… About how wonderful He is…

Because… As I choose to change my preception of life… Well I’m realizing that God’s timing is like that of a Kingdom…

And my Father in Heaven could not give me what He wanted to before… I was not yet mature enough… Or fit enough to handle certain responsibilities…

Sure, like all royalty, the crown belongs to the Sons and Daughters of the King… But responsibility… Well that’s a completely different story…

And I’m seeing that the responsibility of the crown cannot be passed down until the children are completely ready… Until the King sees them fit enough…

Yes… All good things are coming from the Father… But the timing of what they actually want… What I’ve actually wanted… Well it hasn’t been time…

And until recently… Well it hasn’t been time…

So more and more I find myself encouraged to continue to gain a clear, clear perspective of the Kingdom I’ve been born into… Of my right to be a daughter of the King…

And I believe in that… Well… It will continue to encourage me to just be… To just be who I am… And the trust that the timing is near… As I just live…

My Tale of Two Fathers…

As I wander with stillness… I’m learning something powerful…

When I was a kid, my mom always told me, “the way you treat your earthly father is how you treat your Heavenly Father. And visa versa…”

At the time she was trying to instill proper respect towards both of my fathers into me…

Yesterday…. This truth my mom constantly spoke into my life was brought to my attention…

And that’s when I realized something… My relationship with my father was filled with areas of closeness…. But the foundation was built on fear, anxiety and constant worry… He would throw his worries and fears for me and others onto me…

And it wasn’t a good feeling… Yet it was all I knew…

So… As I’ve been allowing my Heavenly Father to become my only father… Well I’m continuing to learn… The things he “throws” on me are good things…. Love, peace and joy…

Nothing that has to do with the shortcomings and downfalls of life…

And I’m sure, if you’re like me, you’d agree that love, peace and joy are so much better than fear, anxiety and worry…

The problem lies in my ability to accept what my Heavenly Father is giving me…

Because…. Like my mother told me… I’m treating my Heavenly Father the way I treated my earthly father… And wrapped inside of what they both gave and continue to give… Well is a certain fear…

A fear of fear, anxiety and stress…

So… I’m challenged in a way… To simply accept all good things that flow my way… But to accept them with a heart of faith and peace… With stillness…

Because… Unlike my earthly father… My Heavenly Father has no intention of causing me to feel afraid of become stressed….

And in this simple truth… I believe it will cause me to just live a simpler life… Standing firm on the faith that my Heavenly Father loves me… And will continue to show up and provide when I need him the most…