soul · truth

It Is Good

Do you know what it’s like to go through things that are truly agonizing for the spirit and soul? Moments in life where you promise yourself that you will get through “this” and you WILL live to tell about “it?”

Yeah… I believe I’ve lived through so many of these moments. Moments of life that have completely broken my heart, forced me out into the great unknown and left me in a place of complete surrender and freedom.

But then… Well I also believe these moments are interesting because they can lose their shine after a while. Time passes and the experiences aren’t as fresh as they once were. Life balances out and you begin to breathe a grateful breath of fresh air again. And then you hope that life always stays like “this”… That you don’t have to face anymore heartache, agony and pain.

And I don’t know about you, but I think this is where I am right now… Living in a time where life isn’t heart-wrenching, agonizing and grey… But then it’s also not over-the-moon/my heart’s greatest desire fantastic… It’s just… Well, it’s just good.

And in this goodness is so much grace. Grace that reminds me that the past is in the past, and the future is still a mystery to be lived. But today… Today is good. 🌱❄️ #cultivatelife #justlive

 

Mind · soul

Look Up

Do you ever have those days where you keep looking down? You know the ones where you focus on the bad… On the things you don’t have and haven’t achieved yet, rather than focusing on the opposite?

Yeah, that’s where I’ve been for 3 days now. In this constant spiral of looking down on life… on my own life.

But ya know?… This morning I woke up and heard God say, “Amanda, look at your victories. Look at the mountain tops you’ve stood on with me. Look how far we’ve come together and how much we’ve accomplished as you’ve chosen to keep moving forward with my plans in mind. Ok, now stop looking at what’s below and the climb in front of you and focus on where you’re headed next with me. I know it’s going to be a journey, but I need you focus.”

So I chose to look up with focus. 💃🏻⛰ #cultivatelife #justlive

Mind · soul · Spirit

Maintaining Life, with the Lows…

What happens when you continue to feel your world, life as you once knew it, shaken?… Shaking… 

Because that’s exactly what mine continues to do… All year long… Over and over and over again… But then something deep inside of me reminds me that I have to stay strong for my mother and sister… That I must maintain balance, order and peace…

But it’s not my balance, order and peace I’m aiming to maintain… I honestly don’t have any of that without God… All of the equilibrium I need to maintain is a direct reflection of His love, nurturing, mentorship and guidance in my everyday life… 

Honestly, He is the only one that can truly get us through this time… This season…

And it doesn’t always seem fair and just… But I promise it’s very alive and real…

More than anything I believe it’s just life… And life, in so many ways, amounts to the way in which we choose to navigate through it all…Because hard times are real… And they don’t always make sense… And becoming angry with someone you love for being in a season is dumb, exhausting and all together not accomplishing much of anything…

I’m not angry with my mother at all because I don’t believe she placed herself here… Life did that… Cancer, sickness, disease, old age, reality, death, depression, grief… It’s all a part of life… 

And I believe so many times we aren’t taught how to manage the grief, the bad times, the heartache and the reality of death… The reality that people, people we care deeply about will and do leave us everyday because it’s a part of the grand scheme of how this place called earth and this thing called life work…

But how do we manage it all? 

Sure we can read our Bibles, talk to others and keep believing it’s going to “work-out”… But then what happens when life keeps coming?… How do we continue to navigate through the muck and mire of the present?… Do we know how to balance and maintain it all?…

Because I don’t believe we can carry it… It’s far too heavy a load… But we must be aware of it and use wisdom to solve it all…

And that’s pretty much how I feel right now… I can’t carry the load of my family home being for sale, money being low, helping mom get back into life, or the fact that I have no idea what’s next in my own world… But then I can navigate through it with the help of the Holy Spirit… I can use His wisdom to solve these problems… 

And when they still seem unsolvable, well I can hope and believe and pray for the very best… I can believe that soon we’ll all four (the Holy Spirit included) be on top of this mountain together…

Spirit

Valley of Life…

What happens when you find someone in a valley of life?… 

And not only are they in a valley, they’ve decided to sit down and stay awhile because the climb to the top of the next peak is intimidating… 

Intimidating because of it’s vastness… Because of its newness… Because of the fact that that person is afraid to climb it alone…

That’s where I see my mom right now…

Over the past 2 1/2 years life has shifted and changed drastically…  

First she sped down a mountainside with the death of my father… And now it seems as though the valley she’s been in has “extended stay” stamped on it…

I don’t believe she wants to stay here… but this is where she is in this moment of life…

And it hasn’t been easy living so far away from it all… So moving back to the South, without a clear plan for my own life has truly been an adventure… 

But then, well now I’ve chosen to help climb this mountain with my mother… 
And a lot of the time I feel like I’m carrying her on my back… 
But in reality I believe God is truly moving the entire thing a long… 

For me, following the Holy Spirit has always had its ups and downs… Always… With Him life doesn’t make complete sense, but He always, always leads me to good…

And so, well that’s what I’m hoping for here… That the three of us, my sister included, can walk up this mountainside together… 

And, with the Lord’s help… With His strength, security, love, joy and peace that we can walk up that mountain swiftly…

Because I believe this is a part of life… That this moment we are in… This year is altogether considered a “bad time,” but a bad time He will make good as we climb to the top… 

Because I believe once we get mom to the top of this mountain, well the view is going to be incredible and altogether wonderful…