Year Five

Five years ago today I watched my dad take his last breath. All in one moment the reality of death made his appearance in my life.

You see it was evidently clear that I was starring at my dad, but then at the same time I wasn’t.

Every part of him (the smile, the jokes, the instigation I couldn’t stand, the love, the brilliant gifting that made him unique)… It was gone. His essence… His soul… His spirit… The aura that filled his body was gone. And so he was gone.

And so that was the moment… The moment I realized life… Life really, truly is temporal. And our bodies…. Our bodies really are nothing more than the vessel we use to travel in while we’re here on earth.

So now you might be thinking, “Amanda, why are you sharing this?” Well… To be completely honest with you, I just really care about the health of people. Actually, let me rephrase that…. I care about the inner health of people. I care that we are alive on the inside. I care that we thrive on the inside. I care that we find grace, love, forgiveness and healing; and then that we maintain that healing long after our moment of transformation.

You see in today’s culture I believe it’s so easy to get caught up in our outer appearance, race, sexual orientation, religion and political background… But don’t forget, before any of that can matter, we are all intangible on the inside first and foremost. We’re all created with some type of God-spark that makes us eternal and immortal.

And so I guess that’s why I’m writing this…. Because I want to remind you and encourage you to look past the surface of what you can see and shift your focus to what you can spiritually feel. Because the health of that “thing” inside of you, that “thing” we all so casually overlook, is what is truly alive in life. 🌱 #cultivatelife

Maintaining Life, with the Lows…

What happens when you continue to feel your world, life as you once knew it, shaken?… Shaking… 

Because that’s exactly what mine continues to do… All year long… Over and over and over again… But then something deep inside of me reminds me that I have to stay strong for my mother and sister… That I must maintain balance, order and peace…

But it’s not my balance, order and peace I’m aiming to maintain… I honestly don’t have any of that without God… All of the equilibrium I need to maintain is a direct reflection of His love, nurturing, mentorship and guidance in my everyday life… 

Honestly, He is the only one that can truly get us through this time… This season…

And it doesn’t always seem fair and just… But I promise it’s very alive and real…

More than anything I believe it’s just life… And life, in so many ways, amounts to the way in which we choose to navigate through it all…Because hard times are real… And they don’t always make sense… And becoming angry with someone you love for being in a season is dumb, exhausting and all together not accomplishing much of anything…

I’m not angry with my mother at all because I don’t believe she placed herself here… Life did that… Cancer, sickness, disease, old age, reality, death, depression, grief… It’s all a part of life… 

And I believe so many times we aren’t taught how to manage the grief, the bad times, the heartache and the reality of death… The reality that people, people we care deeply about will and do leave us everyday because it’s a part of the grand scheme of how this place called earth and this thing called life work…

But how do we manage it all? 

Sure we can read our Bibles, talk to others and keep believing it’s going to “work-out”… But then what happens when life keeps coming?… How do we continue to navigate through the muck and mire of the present?… Do we know how to balance and maintain it all?…

Because I don’t believe we can carry it… It’s far too heavy a load… But we must be aware of it and use wisdom to solve it all…

And that’s pretty much how I feel right now… I can’t carry the load of my family home being for sale, money being low, helping mom get back into life, or the fact that I have no idea what’s next in my own world… But then I can navigate through it with the help of the Holy Spirit… I can use His wisdom to solve these problems… 

And when they still seem unsolvable, well I can hope and believe and pray for the very best… I can believe that soon we’ll all four (the Holy Spirit included) be on top of this mountain together…