After I lost my dad, one of my biggest challenges was the reality that I felt like there wasn’t anyone there to take care of “me” anymore.
For 25 years he was ALWAYS there… In my corner… Watching out for me… Protecting me from potential harm.
So it was challenging to say the least to lose him. And then to lose my grandparents. And then mom was in a serious healing phase, so at times it felt like she couldn’t be there for me either because she had to be there for herself.
And you know, those feelings… They were dark. So dark that I’d sit and cry a lot! I’d cry about my loss. I’d cry about my lack. And more than anything I’d cry about HOW in the world I’d ever feel like someone was looking out for me again.
And I knew in my heart it was possible to fully rely on God, His love and His kingdom for protection and support. I knew in my heart that He was the One that was always designated to fulfill that role inside of me; however, I didn’t believe it because I didn’t “need” it.
In my head, that role was rightfully filled by dad.
But gosh… I was wrong. You see I learned through experience that I needed God’s reliability more than I ever needed dad’s. Sure dad’s was superb, but God’s is unmatched!
And so this is where I stand today… My entire world has shifted. I no longer feel the innate need for a human being to be there for me because my heart believes in and relies on God’s ability to always be there for me. Over the past 6 1/2 years, He’s stepped in and showed me that I can constantly rely on Him for ALL that I need. And honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Would you? 🌱⚔️🛡 #cultivatelife
At the beginning of January I heard Holy Spirit say, “Something very scary is about to happen in the city and the world, but I will protect you and your family. Do not be afraid. Do not live in fear. Just continue to pray. Pray for your family and friends… Pray that I keep my hand on this nation… That my glory sustains it.” A few days later I found myself following the virus in China and knew in my spirit THIS was the scary “something” He was talking about.
And so I’ve prayed. I’ve been violently praying for everyone I love and adore. I’ve been praying for my city, for my country and for my world. It’s what He asked me to do, even before I knew what He was taking about.
And if you know me, then you know I listen, I believe, I follow and I live as I cultivate life with Holy Spirit.
Which is why I want to express something very dear to my heart… Within all the chaos and fear that’s being force-fed to us through the media and social media, I challenge you to “get lost.” Get lost in the isolated presence of God. If you know Him, ask Him to reveal Himself you in an increasingly more powerful way. If you think you know Him and realize you don’t, ask Him to reveal His true self to you… A God that doesn’t pertain to the limits and boundaries religion has taught. And… if you don’t know Him at all, I challenge you to ask Him to reveal His love and peace to you.
Because… Well I believe if we can just stay focused on Him, His Son and Holy Spirit… Well then I believe we will find a place of confidence, authority and security. And, I also believe He will show us HOW TO cultivate life… The life that’s ahead of us as we move forward in these chaotic times 🌱#cultivatelife #justlive
Can I be honest for a moment? I honestly see no real need for Valentine’s Day. I mean if you want to spend a day wasting more time, money and energy on those you love to prove you love them… Then go ahead and add pink and red hearts to your narrative. But, you see it’s all really a little much for me.
However, since we’re talking about love, I believe it’s important to mention something I’ve been going through lately.
You see I have this place inside of me that constantly feels like there’s no one there to take care of me. Since I’m unmarried, without a boyfriend and my dad’s dead… Well I constantly feel like no one has my back at all.
Now, I always feel protected by God and the supernatural… But when it comes to feeling like someone cares about my emotional needs and thoughts, well I just feel unsupported.
And I know I’m supposed to gain all of this from Father God, but lately I’ve been really angry with Him about life… So then it’s hard to think that He really cares.
However, the other night some things that could’ve been a complete failure equated to success. And… Well… Honestly, the success had everything to do with God having my back. He was in my corner in a moment when I needed Him the most by making sure everything was seemingly seamless.
So now I find myself in this place…. A place that’s forcing me to admit that I’ve misperceived God and His love for me.
And… Well, I don’t want to do that anymore. I need better perception. 🌱🌷 #cultivatelife
Everything with God feels like a challenge lately. Every part of following His plan for my life continues to come with unscalable walls that I can’t seem to bust through without His help.
And the past two weeks… The past two weeks have had my spirit and soul deeply wondering what I’m truly doing and what’s next.
I also knew I needed to break through something. And… He did tell me a breakthrough was coming; however, I didn’t understand what it was or what would bring it.
And then in the middle of my Monday it appeared. This heavy conversation tried to tear at my heart and soul apart… It tried its hardest to make me feel like I made a mistake, but it was unable to actually succeed.
Instead I found myself resting on truth. I found myself holding onto the reality that God is the only true love I will ever need. Nothing and no one can fill me up like He can. I will only find wholeness and completeness in Him.
And for so long I’ve wanted to believe the opposite is true. I’ve wanted to fill my life with someone that would solve my problem of feeling alone… I’ve wanted someone to just take care of me.
But then how can broken people actually make broken people whole and complete? They cannot. Only a whole and complete God can.
And so… Despite the pain and insecurity that tried their hardest to tear my heart apart, I’m happy to report that I’m standing firm on the only structure and source I know will always keep me safe, protected and truly loved.