Tag: questions

How Did I Get Here?

On By AmandaIn Mind, soul, truthLeave a comment

Last night I sat at a cabaret performance… Which is generally not my chosen cup of tea. And… All in one moment I began to think, “How did I get here? How is this my life? I never asked for this at all, but this is my life.” Then I said it to my sister and she laughed really hard. But it’s true… How on earth did I get here?

You see that’s how I feel a lot of the time… I feel like I’ve lived so many different lives because I’ve moved around so much. Constantly I feel like nothing is ever truly stable. Almost like God keeps me at something until He decides my mission is complete and then He moves me on to something else. At times that means a new city with new people… A new way of life.

And it’s not easy. There are at least 10 times a day when I want what I want… Nothing more or less. And then there are at least 5 times a day when I think, “I should be following my own will and way. I should be creating the goals and calling the shots. Not God. What does He even know? I feel farther away from my hopes, dreams and passion than ever before.” But then I know… I know deep, deep down that I must follow Him. No matter what anyone else tells me they think I should be doing… or what they think God thinks I should be doing… I am going to listen to the Holy Spirit for myself.

And so I guess this is when my hard-headedness comes in. Because I’m going to keep pushing forward. And although it doesn’t make a lick of sense in the tangible, I really truly believe something amazing is happening in the supernatural.

So call me crazy. Maybe I am. But I just have to keep moving forward with Him.

 

I Cry

On By AmandaIn Spirit, truth1 Comment

I laid in bed the night before last and wanted to cry because I felt so weak… So emotional… So caught in the chaos and frustration of life.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Life is good. Life is very, very good. But… Sometimes I just want to cry. Sometimes I do cry. I cry about the loss of life my family has experienced. I cry about how God is going to seemingly continue to restore everything and make sense of the pain I feel. I cry because I am weak, and only made strong and stable through Him alone.

It’s funny, people say to me all the time, “Amanda, you’re so strong. You’ve encountered so much and been through so much adversity. You handle it so well. You’re just so strong.”

And as true as my strength appears, none of it… not a single ounce… is found within myself. God literally allowed my world to shake so hard, to the point that there was nothing left to hold onto but Him.

And so when life reminds me of loss… When it reminds me of pain… When I’m left in a constant haze of “why” followed by streams of tears down my face… Well I remember that He’s there. I remember that God is sitting with me while I sit in my closet and cry, hoping for a solution to this madness called life. I remember that my pursuit of Him is the only solution I’ll ever need because He is the only One that keeps me consistently full, at peace and alive! 💃🏻⚔️🎄 #cultivatelife

But Why?

On By AmandaIn Spirit, truthLeave a comment

Lately I’ve been questioning God about so many things in my life. I’ve asked Him about things I made peace with that have been stirred up inside of me again… I’ve asked Him why certain things aren’t further along than I expected them to be…. And then of course I’ve questioned Him about why I feel confused deep down about His promises for my life.

And while I feel frustrated that He hasn’t given me a clear answer, I found that my grandmother had a piece of wisdom to contribute to the whole.

Yesterday, in mid conversation, she said, “You know, I don’t believe parents should have to tell their children ‘why.’ If a parent says, ‘Because I said so” then they have more wisdom and knowledge. They know better than the child because they’ve lived life and experienced reality.”

After she said this I just kind of sat there and realized her wisdom was the answer to my unanswered questions.

Because whether I want to trust Him or not, God has my best interest at heart. He knows and understands far better than I do. And although I really, really want an answer to suffice me, I don’t need an answer as much as I think I do.

And I don’t know if you ever feel this way, but I do hope you feel encouraged to simply trust the lack of God’s answer to your constant, “But why?!” 🌷💃🏻 #cultivatelife

Inner Entail

On By AmandaIn Mind, SpiritLeave a comment
New month… New season… New people… New places… New ideas… The past is gone and all is new now.
I don’t know what is next exactly, but I do intend on following God with my entire heart. I feel a little bit afraid. Actually I’m caught between fear and faith… This place inside of me that says, “You need to chose faith, but you’re leaning towards fear. Come back to the faith. Use it instead.”
It’s strange and somewhat different.
Where am I headed with God though? That is the real question in my heart. That is always the question of my heart. Where are He and I going and what will be gained from the jounrey to the destination? How well will I follow? I’m so unsure of the answers, but I’m so excited to learn what it will all entail… 🌌♥️ #cultivatelife #justlive

Why?

On By AmandaIn Spirit, truthLeave a comment

Sometimes I don’t understand why God cares so much… Is it that we mutually care? That I come to the table too? That it’s a 50/50 deal where we are both all hands on deck in this thing called life?

I mean, it just doesn’t make sense to me why He’s led me down this road of authenticity, security and identity. It’s like a bread-crumb trail without any real knowledge of what the destination is.

Why do you care so much God? Why are you so into me?

He’s just a very strange dude. But you know? I really do love Him so much. He is SO good, even when life is bad… Even when it’s sucked and been extremely painful to walk through… He’s been good.

And I just want people to know, if you’re willing to go all the way with Him… Then He’s willing to go all the way with you. He’s just the most incredible person I know. ♥️

Should I Stop?

On By AmandaIn Mind, soul, Spirit, truth1 Comment

Over the past few days I’ve been back and forth about whether I should keep sharing what God’s giving me to write…

You see I feel like there aren’t too many people who care about Him and His design for life. I believe people aren’t truly trying to cultivate a relationship with Him… But are just interested in fame, power, money, comfortably and false security.

It’s discouraging you know?.. To see mankind so consumed with hate, jealousy, judgement, immorality and insecurity. It’s just sad.

So… In this moment I’m not going to stop sharing what I write because if I stop then I believe I’m allowing evil to win in my life.

But then I do wonder… Why can’t we, as humans, just wake up and realize we are all in troubled place without security in God? Why can’t we stop instigating the evil and promote life instead? Why can’t we see that Jesus isn’t a religion but a relationship that comes with freedom and abundant life? Why are we so deaf, dumb, dead and ignorant?!

And I might seem a little passionate… But I’m just so sick of the distractions we’ve all fallen for. I’m so sick of the war we’re all losing because we aren’t equipped to fight.

So if you hear what I’m saying… Wake up. Pursue God. Accept your forgiveness through Christ. And then cultivate a lifestyle of security in Him and His principles for life… Because not doing so will inevitably cost you your soul.

Intentional

On By AmandaIn Spirit, truth1 Comment

Freedom through Christ… It’s an interesting concept to ponder… But it’s an even more interesting concept to experience and fully live.

You see I’ve come to a place in life where I feel very liberated: spirit, soul and body. I feel like God has made me whole and set me free of so much oppression and spiritual sickness, death and disease.

However, now I’m beginning to wonder, “How does one sustain and maintain his or her freedom? How am I supposed to move forward in the Kingdom of God… especially when it’s a constant unknown?

And I don’t know if I’m making complete sense; however, what I mean to say is… How does a free person stay free from the things that once bound him or her, but then cultivate life on top of that freedom?

And I don’t have an answer in this moment… I am truly seeking one with all of my heart. However, I am beginning to wonder if it’s time to become more intentional with the Holy Spirit and the things of God. Because I believe we can come to a place in our relationship with Him where we can converse with Him in such a detailed way… An intentionally detailed way.