keep moving forward · power · truth

The Responsibility

My goal as a writer for the past 8-10 years has always been centered around having the vulnerability to share the inner workings of myself and my relationship with God. To give a first-hand, in the moment account of a cultivated life. My heart is always aiming to demonstrate how Holy Spirit is working to refine and restore parts of me, as He pushes me towards deeper levels of development, maturity and growth.

Some days (like today) I struggle. I struggle with the inner cultivation of myself and how I should communicate it properly. 

Which is why embellishing on my current reality feels more challenging than usual. So please, try to follow what I’m expressing.

The perseverance it’s taken to reach today hasn’t been a cake-walk. The spiritual and mental determination to keep moving forward with the plans of God has felt, at times, utterly impossible from my soul’s perspective. People often say to me, “You’re so strong to keep going… To stay so committed to following Holy Spirit with such a submissive heart.” And while it’s true, it does require strength… None of the strength I’m using belongs to me. I’ve actually asked God for it because I know I need His power, strength and grace to empower all of me: spirit, soul, heart and body. Without eternal reliance and relationship with Him, I am weak and broken. 

Right now, I am learning that perseverance is much more challenging when you’re in a place of persevering (in several areas: personally, and in business), only for God to come and say, “Amanda, here is the next step. Except for this step is less of a step and more of a paradigm shifting way of operating in My kingdom. It will actually make the steps you’re taking seem more effortless, but you must apply it.”

Of course, a more effortless route is so appealing, but then I sit back and consider the responsibility and the serious learning curve I’ll need to submit to in order for this to become a component of my lifestyle. 

And that… That is my hang up… The responsibility.

But you know… I cannot become overwhelmed by the thought of the responsibility. I cannot become consumed with the hard work and training that will have to take place in order for this to become a facet of my lifestyle. I cannot embrace the lies I hear about how difficult this will be because then I will empower the liar. And I certainly cannot embrace fear, doubt or unbelief in any way because then I will begin to lose my strength and authority to cultivate this reality. 

And I don’t know if I am making complete sense, but my soul keeps saying, “If you obey God, then this path you’ve been paving and persevering down is going to be absolute hell! It’s going to be so heavy and exhausting to blaze forward!” 

However, God’s given the instruction. And He’s not asking for my opinion about it. No, He wants my complete submission and obedience to the instruction no matter how my soul feels about it. Which means, even if I don’t love the idea of another responsibility, I became responsible the moment He gave me the instruction. So, I must step forward and simply obey. He has and He will continue to supply the power, strength and grace needed for the responsibility at hand. 🌱

soul · Spirit · truth

Focused?

If I’m honest… Well then I’d have to say my focus hasn’t been 💯 lately. I feel like I’ve gone from 6-10 moderate responsibilities to 15-20 serious responsibilities.

And it’s not that I don’t want to be focused. Trust me… I know God needs my focus more than ever right now.

But it took me being 6 drinks in (I don’t drink heavy) to hear God screaming at me about my level of focus. Actually it felt like I couldn’t escape His voice in that moment. And I told my sister about it… Her response, “I doubt He was yelling at you Amanda. You were probably just LISTENING! You were focused.”

And since that moment… Well my thoughts have felt more focused and centered. I’m making a mental and emotional effort to really zone in on everything He’s laid in front of me.

And I don’t know where you stand with focusing on the will of God in your life; however, I truly hope you wake up with every intent to pursue His purposes for your life. I mean, I know what He wants usually requires our selflessness… But then, it’s so rewarding to follow… To grow… To truly deepen the fullness of life He’s laid before us. And… Sometimes (when we really give it our all) we actually play a part in making a difference in our world 😉🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive #focus

Spirit · truth

Stewardship of a Child

IMG_0528

Since dad’s been gone I’ve wanted to tell him so many things… share my little, yet expanding L.A. world with him like I always did…. but I can’t so I guess the best thing for me to do is write about it and hope that he receives the message in some way or another.

Being back here is amazing…. really it is. I love sunny weather so much, and honestly the beach is one of my favorite pastimes…. So that makes Cali a great place for me to live. I feel some since of wholeness out here… even with the absence of my dad.

And I’m learning so much. In the past, I’ve learned to be a good steward of my money and things….. to take care of them and not spend every dime I can because I want to. To just manage what I have…. and I believe that knowledge and understanding has prepared me for this….

Right now I am responsible for three children. Now they aren’t my own… but I feel it’s in my best interest and theirs to treat them like they are my own. Because…. well first, I want children one day and so this is a great place to learn… and secondly, they deserve to be treated that way.

Because I’m learning that a long with money and things…. we should be a good steward of our children. I mean, they are technically a blessing, an irreplaceable gift and quite possibly the greatest investment we’ll ever have… so treating them with kindness and respect is so very important.

It’s good to pour a healthy amount of time into their constantly evolving worlds… as they develop and move into different stages of life… and honestly, if we think about it…. well we were children one day… and we are children still.

Our parents had a responsibility to be good stewards of us…. to teach us how to be kind, loving and forgiving towards ourselves and others…. and we are a gift, a blessing too.

So, with that it causes me to think about the way my parents treated me. They didn’t treat me like a thing. They didn’t neglect me or think of me as a headache or a hassle. My mom was and still is such a wonderful mother. She taught me how to just be a mom and do little things out of the kindness of my heart because I care that much. My dad was the same way.

Mom used to draw on every single napkin she put in my lunch box because…. well she cared and she enjoyed bringing things I liked to life on paper… so surprise me when it was time to eat lunch. And dad, dad was always building or creating something for me… whether it was a doll house or an earring stand. He cared about the things I cared about.

And I think… I think if we can learn to become good stewards of our personal lives… of the things that go on in our little worlds, even the small ones… then we are qualifying ourselves for the bigger ones. Like children.

With everything in me I want a family one day, but if I can’t exceed in this moment… in this chapter of my life… if I can’t prove that I am a good steward of what I’ve been given now…. well then how will I ever have what I truly want? How will I ever be rewarded with goodness if I remain selfish, thinking of only Amanda?

Well… I won’t. I won’t and I’ll be forced to settle with a mediocre life… and no, no I don’t want greatest. But I do want goodness. I do want the good, blessed life that I have to continue.

And it is going to cost me. It is costing my selfishness in exchange for my stewardship and responsibility over children…. and honestly…. I’m ok with that.