“And then God got quiet… And He stayed quiet… And I didn’t know what the silence was for or what would happen next.”
He’s quiet. Yeah… We’re definitely having conversations about the world and my world. But… For the most part He’s super still. He doesn’t have much to say other than, “Mirror me. Cultivate an environment of peace Amanda. Let My peace rest deep down inside of you.”
And I believe He’s looking deep into my heart more than anything right now. I believe He’s searching for the darkness that’s rooted deep down in there… He’s looking for the negativity, the gossip, the judgment, the ugliness that’s hiding in my soul.
His peace actually feels like a flashlight… One that’s probing around, demanding all darkness to filter to the surface so that it can be drawn out quickly.
And I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced THIS before… This intrusive, peaceful, deep cleaning of my soul. Usually He drags out the truth or the love to straighten me out… But this time, this time He going with the peace.
And it’s different. I don’t hate it. It’s actually a lot easier to embrace than truth and love because it’s so constant, still and eternally captivating.
And I don’t know if I’m making 100% sense. But I did want to share what’s happening inside of me right now. Because I hope you feel His peace too. I hope, in the midst of the chaos, confusion and calamity… I hope that His peace grabs a hold of your heart, filters through the nonsense and then gives you a sense of confidence to stand tall with a pure and faithful heart.
How can I confidently stand firm on God and His words and His promises when I have days like yesterday? Moments where I feel impatient and start to flip flop about the promises.
And what about the “bloom?!” God promised I’d see a bloom in my life, but now I feel like He meant the trees around me!!
What gives God? Where are your promises? What’s your delay? What’s the delay? And why do I still have to be still?
In the stillness there’s still growth though… There’s still constant and consistent movement and life.
And even though my soul flips back and forth everyday… I still have hope. I still have joy. I still believe cultivating LIFE in the Kingdom of God is the best way we can choose to live life! 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive
I keep hearing God say, “Stand still. Stand firm. Stand secure in Me. We’ve come so far. Don’t waiver to the left or to the right. Don’t get forced forward into the hustle of life. Don’t let the past pull you backwards to its prison. Just stay firm in Me. I am your bedrock.”
But… Can I be honest?
This is a challenge for me. Maybe not as great of a challenge as things of the past, but it’s still a challenge.
And in standing still I feel the enemy of my soul throwing every single thing he can at me… You know, the things he knows would normally move me.
But then I feel this even greater presence inside of me. And the presence says, “Cut the head off of your enemy every single time he approaches you. Don’t even let him breathe around you. He has no power. The only power to be had is My power living inside of you!”
So, I stand still. I stand still and chop off every head of my enemy that comes my way. 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive
Why do we struggle so hard to preserve life?… to hold onto moments… to create moments… to make sure we are living life a certain way?…
I keep finding myself here… at this question… and it’s a question because I keep hearing my grandmother way she is ready to die… that she wants to leave this place… but then I hear her say not to be afraid of her heart failure because you can live with it for years…
And so it’s strange to me… does she want to die?… or doesn’t she?… because a person that truly wants to die would be happy they’re in heart failure… right?…
But then I look at life… and I see that so many of us long to hold onto it… we prove in with our growth in social media and our ability to take a photo and post it as soon as possible… like it’s vital that we don’t let anything slip by….
And I guess that’s a part of leading me to where I am right now… just enjoying the moment I am in and living right here in the present…
Since I’ve moved to Cali I look at the scenery around me all the time… i stand in awe of the mountains on a daily, moment by moment basis… they just fascinate me… and when i came home for thanksgiving… I actually found myself stopping to watch leaves fall from trees… like it was something I’d never seen before…
And honestly I’ve never done that before… watched the leaves fall… or taken in the beauty of a sky with rain clouds… but I’ve learned so much living so far from home… and most of the things I’ve learned have been learned organically… no classroom… no professor… no schedule or time to be there… just simply the moment I am in has taught me… and everything within it as something to say….
And it just reminds me today… a day where I find myself sitting in bed… again… listening to the rain fall… that the rain… this sound I am so familiar with… well I won’t see it or hear it again for a while… when I leave for Cali tomorrow, the rain will take a hiatus from my life… and I will be back to sunshine…
But right now in this moment… it’s good to enjoy what’s here…. and here is good… and it’s warm and it’s relaxing… but most importantly… it’s a piece of life that I’ve taken advantage of before… and so it deserves to be respected and savored…