Spirit

High Tide…


Do you ever have moments… Really days… That sometimes feel like they’ve morphed into weeks… And weeks that seem like they’ve evolved into months… I’m talking about the kind that continue to roll in on you… The kind that you can’t seem to turn off… And the force of them all together is about to knock you over?…

In so many ways, well I feel like that’s what life is right now… I feel like I am standing on the shoreline and that there is a storm raging around my feet… And all I can seem to do is stand still because standing still is the only hope I have of keeping my balance in the sand as the tide rolls in…

And, at times, I feel like the tide is rolling in faster than I can keep up with… And it’s taking strength that isn’t even my own to stand sturdy… To be strong…

There’s a quote… Well actually a verse out of Proverbs that I’ve continued to live my life by lately, “she is clothed in strength and dignity; and she can laugh without fear of failure at the days to come”…

Because I feel like every ounce of strength and dignity I posses in this moment… This moment where the high tide of life could knock me down… Well I know it’s all coming from God… That He’s allowing me to stand tall… To be firm and secure and not falter in the midst of what feels so equally strong and oppositional…

And then there’s the reality that, after the storm is over, once we’ve made it through and life itself has become a peaceful place… Well then the tide will recede too… And the amazing thing about the tide receding is the reality that there will be a giant deposit left…

On the beach the deposit is a massive amount of sea treasures, like shells, sand dollars and little critters… But I feel like in life the same is true… Because for so many reasons, well if we can simply remain firm in God… In His peace, love, hope, righteousness, confidence and security… If we can be clothed in strength and dignity and wear them well in the storm… Well then we can laugh without fear of failure at the future ahead because we know deep down that a deposit is being made… And that deposit is something very, very, very good… A deposit that only God can leave behind for us… That only He can wash ashore in the midst of the confusion and chaos we feel…

And I don’t know if you feel like life is swirling in an endless circle of doom right now or not… But I feel like that… But in the midst of it all, I trust and believe with everything in me that, when the storm lets up and the water recedes there will be treasure laying in the sand… And at that point, it’s mine to pick up, claim and use in my life and for my future…

Spirit

Like the Ocean’s Tide…

So it’s been a full week of what I consider serious revelation… Of what feels to be an almost purging of my soul…

And then I had a dream last night… In the dream, at certain periods of the night, water would flood in through cracks in my walls… The water height in the room wasn’t a lot at first… And it drained out like the ocean tide after rushing in…

But as it drained… It would drag things stored under the bed with it…

The floods became multiple… And then big boxes under the bed started to disintegrate…

It’s like I would lay there, hear the water flood in and then watch it rush out as it took things stored underneath with it…

At one point, the water came up to the top of my bed and rushed over the surface…

It tried to pull my journals away… But I grabbed them quickly… Unfortunately the ink on the inside was smeared everywhere… So I had no idea what they said anymore… No idea what my mind was thinking in those moments of life… Or even how I felt…

And I feel like that’s where I am right now spiritually… That this belief system I’m comfortably laying on is going through some serious changes…

That a tide-like thing is washing away what doesn’t need to be there…

And as parts of my belief system disintegrate, they quickly become nothing more than piles of trash, junk…

And then my thoughts that pair with my beliefs… Things I value so much and hold dear… Well it feels like it doesn’t matter how hard I hold onto them… Because, like in the dream, once the water has touched them… They don’t make clear sense anymore…

And this of course makes me somewhat nervous… Because in the midst of it all… Well I feel very detached… Like I’m floating around… And I’m unsure of what is actually solid and stable still…