I’ve had this awkward sensation in my left side for about 4 months now. At first it concerned me because it was so strange, but then I heard Holy Spirit say, “It’s supernatural.”
So, I’ve gone on with life… Knowing that He’ll make sense of it all in His timing.
Well a few nights ago I let go of this desire I had inside of me… It was this desire my heart had to belong. But it’s wasn’t a healthy kind of belonging. It was a twisted, territorial desire to belong to man-made love. Man-made love that is sick and polluted with insecurity, jealousy and envy and all that’s foundationally wrong in this fallen world.
So I let go of it.
And when I did, the sensation in my side stopped in its tracks. It completely halted. And I haven’t felt it since.
And then… Then I felt this love… This love from the heart of God. A part of His love I’ve never truly felt before. And it was the most incredible sense of belonging I’ve ever felt. And it wasn’t something structured from self-love or man-made love. It was something much higher… Something so rare and pure, yet so innately humble. A form of love that comes from realizing that there’s something much grander than me… And this grander being is obsessed with every piece and part of me. And it gave me this confidence… This confidence to fully step forward into my destiny that’s unfolding in front of me right now.
And I don’t know… I don’t know if you know Father God’s love. But I do hope, I hope that you fully step forward in faith into it. Because His love is so deep… It’s so concrete… It’s so wild and mysterious. It’s something far greater than we could ever give to one another because it has this insane ability to heal every part of the heart that sickness and disease has cultivated inside of us. And it’s available. It’s readily available to every single person on this planet. And it grows… When it’s cultivated properly, it will grow into the most beautiful thing you and I will ever truly experience 🌱♥️ #cultivatelife #justlive
Truth be told I’m not the best at being selfless… If I hadn’t moved home 2 1/2 years ago to help my mom move forward in life, I don’t think I’d be able to be in this moment right now… A moment where I’ve been able to totally lay down everything I want in life to help manage my sister’s art as she follows her dreams in New York City.
And I know this chapter won’t last forever, but lately I’ve found myself wanting to be selfish. A moment happened the other day that forced me to say, “There’s no ‘ME’ involved anymore. Where I am is a result of following the Holy Spirit’s lead, and so a life of selflessness is what’s been cultivated in my heart.”
You see I’ve come to learn and truly believe that selflessness is the most accurate measure of loving someone. Because when we can let go and lay down all of our self to be there for another, well it kind of kills off our ego, pride, envy, jealousy, anger, bitterness and hatred. Selflessness can’t coexist with any of those things because real, true love can’t coexist with any of those things.
And I don’t know if I’m making sense… And I also don’t know what will come from my choices over the past 2 1/2 years, but I truly hope that following Him has led me into a lifestyle that makes helping others cultivate life that much simpler.
🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive
Everything with God feels like a challenge lately. Every part of following His plan for my life continues to come with unscalable walls that I can’t seem to bust through without His help.
And the past two weeks… The past two weeks have had my spirit and soul deeply wondering what I’m truly doing and what’s next.
I also knew I needed to break through something. And… He did tell me a breakthrough was coming; however, I didn’t understand what it was or what would bring it.
And then in the middle of my Monday it appeared. This heavy conversation tried to tear at my heart and soul apart… It tried its hardest to make me feel like I made a mistake, but it was unable to actually succeed.
Instead I found myself resting on truth. I found myself holding onto the reality that God is the only true love I will ever need. Nothing and no one can fill me up like He can. I will only find wholeness and completeness in Him.
And for so long I’ve wanted to believe the opposite is true. I’ve wanted to fill my life with someone that would solve my problem of feeling alone… I’ve wanted someone to just take care of me.
But then how can broken people actually make broken people whole and complete? They cannot. Only a whole and complete God can.
And so… Despite the pain and insecurity that tried their hardest to tear my heart apart, I’m happy to report that I’m standing firm on the only structure and source I know will always keep me safe, protected and truly loved.