develop · grow · heart · mature · refine · vulnerability

Delighted

I cried myself to sleep last night. And there’s nothing wrong with me in the least bit. Really and truly, I am healthy and seeking more inner refinement, development, maturity and growth daily. All of my needs are being met. I have more than enough and I feel very satisfied with where God is leading me; however, at the very same time, I hear Him asking me to step out in more faith… To follow Him down the jagged path of uncertainty a little bit farther. 

And so, that’s where I find myself. My spirit, who is always eager to blaze a trail forward, says, “Let’s do this! Let’s walk forward! I am ready!!” But then my soul… my soul is definitely a dramatic whiner. I’ve definitely conditioned it to complain about the process of cultivation.

So they have this little duel which starts with me crying, but then ends with me thanking God for His goodness and His intricate way of working things out in me.

Now… You might be wondering what He’s asking of me, and while I do intend to tell you, first I want to remind you of something I shared a few months ago. The writing was entitled “The Vault,” and it focused on Holy Spirit removing a deep-seated lie inside of my heart. A lie I cultivated very, very, very well and then allowed to define me. 

Well, since digging up that deep-seated lie and planting truth on the grounds of my heart, I’ve felt significantly better; however, I still haven’t had the foggiest idea what “truth” was planted. He never really said. He just said, “Plant truth.” So, I picked up a bag marked “truth” and placed the seed in the ground of my heart.

Now it should come as no surprise that the seed is beginning to spring forth…. And I see it. Oh boy do I see it! So, what is it? It’s a truth that’s begging that I only delight in God. 

I hear it saying, “You aren’t here to impress anyone or anything but God. So, stop looking to the left and to the right for approval. Instead, keep your eyes focused on Him. Focus on the projects, businesses and ventures He’s assigned you to. Your life’s goal is to bring delight to Him in all you do. And, that delight, it needs to echo from the frequency of your heart. It needs to etch itself into the very fabric of your soul. It needs to become the very culture you communicate to the world around you.”

And so it will. 🌱 #cultivatelife

authority & dominion · darkness · death · demonic · iniquity · power

The Languishing Leviathan

It’s been a full decade since I was awakened to real, true evil and darkness…

As I leaned over the hospital bed to pray for my frail grandmother a thick, firm voice snapped back at me, “I raised you!” All in one moment it hit me, the voice coming from the bed wasn’t my grandmother’s. I could just tell by the strong and distinctly strange inflection in her tone and the dark, spine-chilling look in her typically piercing, crystal-blue eyes. Very quickly I responded, “You’re right. My grandmother raised me and YOU raised me too.” Then from the bed came a wicked laughter I’d never heard before and a very prideful response, “You’re right Amanda. I DID RAISE YOU.” I couldn’t believe my ears in that moment. For the first time in my life, I was awakened to the truth that I was spiritually staring back at some type of dark, demented and deeply twisted Leviathan who was bent on suppressing my life, my relationship with God and my purpose.

And, then to realize someone I idolized was entangled with something so dark and twisted. Gosh, it made my head spin and my heart hurt. And then to consider that “it” helped raise me… All I could do in that moment was begin to desperately cry from the depth of my spirit in hopes that my grandmother would be awakened to the truth too.

So, I left the hospital that day filled with a great deal of grief and confusion, yet I was clearly awakened to the reality that there was more going on in the supernatural realms of life. And, for the first time, I had personally experienced it. No one was sharing their experiences. The truth was right in front of me.

You see this specific experience began a long and some-what challenging journey I didn’t feel I was prepared to go on. Let’s just say I wanted to pretend that my family and I were completely free of the demonic because we believed in Christ, operated in authority and knew so much about the spirit realm; however, that was a terrible lie from the languishing Leviathan who helped secretly raise me.

Now, over time I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how close we believe we are to God and His Kingdom or how much we think we know about Him because demonic influence can be present and fully operating in our lives. And, 100% of the time, the demonic is there without us even realizing it because generational iniquity is passed down in the supernatural and then given access to our lives.

So, what are we supposed to do? Well, if it weren’t for my expressed belief in Jesus, Leviathan would have continued to suppress my spiritual gifts and prevented me from flourishing and thriving on a spiritual plane of life. I mean he was definitely trying to. However, his opportunity was squashed the moment I realized I needed to fully exercise my authority purchased through Jesus. So, through a Holy Spirit led process I began to work with the Godhead to gain freedom and take back all that the demonic had stolen.

So now some of you might be thinking, “Does this mean someone that has a relationship with Jesus can also be suppressed and oppressed by the demonic? How is that possible when He’s around? Amanda, there’s no way. You’ve got to be kidding me!” And I’m here to tell you, with all that I have learned and experienced over the past decade, someone that has a relationship with Jesus can definitely have several relationships with demonic entities and not even realize it.

You see, if we aren’t accessing the fullness of Jesus and His power properly, then yes… Yes, we WILL walk under the influence of darkness, death and decay from the inside out because we are made: spirit, soul, heart and body. And, if we do not take responsibility of our spiritual lives by fully leaning into them and then allowing Jesus to free us from all of our spiritual entanglements (yes, even the generational ones), then yes, we will absolutely be entangled with the demonic.

And I’m not sharing this to stir anyone up or cause grief. I’m sharing this because I have spent an entire decade walking in more freedom, joy, love and life than I ever imagined was possible. Plus, my relationship with the Godhead and my connection to the supernatural is so much more powerful and stronger since I dropped my pride and fear and just allowed Holy Spirit to lead me into the fullness of the finished work of Jesus. 🌱 #cultivatelife

cultivation · develop · healing · heart · refine

The Vault

I was in the spirit yesterday morning, praying and talking to God like normal… All of a sudden I saw a large brownish/maroonish/whiteish marbled wall that spanned down a hallway. I didn’t know where I was, so I asked Holy Spirit. He said, “You’re in your Heavenly mansion, and I want to show you something that’s locked inside of the vault of your heart.” 

“Cool!!” I thought. “I wonder what this is all about.”

The next thing I knew I found myself in a very large home my dad built and my family lived in in the early 2000s. As I walked around throughout the house, memories of that season came rushing into my mind. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the past. The way it felt. The way it sounded. The way it smelt. All of it was actively present and alive in front of me. 

As I walked around I began to wonder, “Okay, what’s this all about? Why am I here? God, why did you bring me to my Heavenly mansion to unlock the vault of my heart? And what does this season of my life have to do with what’s hidden inside of the vault?”


Then, He very carefully began to explain Himself. He showed me a huge truth I’d kept hidden from myself… An area where I chose to believe a lie, and then never stopped believing it. And, although, I’ve known the truth for years, I’ve chosen to push it further and further away from me. He said, “Amanda, you’ve allowed this lie to define who you are in this moment, but it cannot define you anymore. I want you to let it go. I want you to repent and renounce for cultivating it within the grounds of your heart. And then, then I want you to pick up the truth, plant it on this refined ground and then walk away from here covered in My boldness, confidence, humility and security.”

And so… So that’s what I did. I repented for holding onto the lie for so long. I renounced any stronghold or demonic entanglement I might be caught up in because of it. And then… Then I planted the seed of truth on the grounds of my heart.

And I tell you this story because I hope it encourages you to continue to follow Holy Spirit into hidden parts of yourself so that He may inspect the depths of your heart. Because, even after years of life-giving cultivation, there are STILL areas of our lives He can and will dig up so that we can flourish. And, I know a lot of the time we don’t want to follow Him into the past because it requires reliving things that are uncomfortable; however, the powerful thing about moving forward with Him is the truth that we will thrive on the other side. 🌱 #cultivatelife

faith · heart · keep moving forward

My Word is: Faith

Corey Rives Visual Art
For the past several days I’ve been searching for the best word to describe my experience with 2020… And as I’ve fumbled through the list in my head and heart, the one that’s continued to pop up is “faith.” And if you’re anything like me, faith might sound so simple. However, it’s my faith and belief in God that’s helped me truly rise above all of the continued uncertainty and chaos of 2020. And… If I’m 100% honest, I’d have to say I’ve had more peace inside of my heart this year than all years past.  And while that may sound odd to you, it’s not for me… Why? Well you see my very being is completely adamant about living a lifestyle of faith. And it’s not a stagnant word, lying dormant in my heart. Instead it’s a key that’s perpetual, living, active and divinely present in my daily life. My choice to place things I can’t control in God’s hands has taken so much pressure and burden off of my own shoulders. Pressure and burden He never created me to carry… For I am not strong enough… Only He is. And I see 2021 heading down an increasingly cataclysmic path… One where we must use the ultimate amount of faith that’s rooted deep within our spirits, hearts and souls in order to move forward. You see I believe more things will feel out of our control than ever before; however, when we choose to constantly engage in relationship with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit… When we choose to activate our spirits and then live a lifestyle of constant and continual faith… Then and only then will we find ourselves in a place of peace and harmony. And the peace… The peace will rise straight from the ashes of our deepest fears decreeing and declaring, “My God is stronger than this, and His Kingdom is more equip than all that I am facing. So I WILL march forth… I WILL place all of my worries, fears, doubts and cares on Him… And HE WILL show me how to consistently and systematically use the power, dominion and authority He has equip me with to fight forces of darkness and all that’s of evil nature.” 🌱⚔️🛡 #cultivatelife 
disappointment · healing · lies, deception & manipulation · love of god · redeem · refine · restore

For the Love of God

“But the disappointment God… It’s SO heavy. I don’t want to feel it anymore. I don’t want to carry it anymore. Plus… Paired with the anger… The anger that’s still consuming 10% of my heart… Well the anger really makes the disappointment feel all consuming at times.”

This is me. This is me working through more brokenness with God. And… Well… You’d think, at this point, my healing would be complete in this area. But… it’s just SO deep. All of it. The brokenness touches every layer of my essence… From my human spirit, to my soul and then impacts my body in ways that it shouldn’t.

And I’ve forgiven. I’ve forgiven and chosen to move past a lot of the pain and heartache. But sometimes… Gosh sometimes I feel like the disappointment will never go away. And then I can’t seem to quite understand “why?” Why did it have to play out like this?

Actually… I’m not stupid. I understand “why,” but then I’d rather live in the deception of the past. The deception and manipulation was just so fanatical and illusive… Almost like I was living in a dream I’d never wake up from and have to take responsibility for.

But… Then… Well, I woke up from that dream several years ago and was forced to enter a world of truth and disappointment. And, some days (though they are few and far between) I still feel like I’m still waking up to an undiscovered layer of truth and disappointment.

So… what am I to do with layers upon layers of continued disappointment? Well that’s what I’ve been asking God.

And… Do you know what He keeps showing me?

Love.

Of course, it’s been way too simple for me to process at once. But everyday I hear Him say, “My love for you woke you up from the fanatical, illusive dream. My love for you drove out the lies, deception and manipulation you both created. My love protected you. It empowered you. It’s given you the ability to constantly move forward, one whole and complete step at a time. And maybe you still feel angry and disappointed. I don’t blame you. The deception was deep; however, keep focusing on My love. Keep your eyes anchored to My heart. For inside of it you will discover the healing your heart is seeking.” 🌱 #cultivatelife

focus · heart · isolation

What’s In HIS Heart?

Can I ask a question?… Or more so a series of questions?

In the midst of this great awakening, are we constantly and consistently focused on the heart of God and what He’s doing? Have we set aside isolated time… Time where we can focus on the will of God and what He truly wants as we move forward?

Are we allowing Him to use us based around what He’s saying… Not around what social media is telling us to do and say?

Also… Do we hope to see more truth revealed so that deception and manipulation cannot hide anymore?

Oh! And… what about healing? Do we hope the exposure of evil, wickedness and darkness is followed by a powerful gust of healing and restoration from the Holy Spirit for our country’s soul?

And if so, are we praying His movement is holy and pure… Something that is sanctified and structured in the heart of God where love dwells?

You see I ask all of these questions because they are things I keep asking myself. I need to know if my own heart is turned towards the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I need to remind myself that this is about His Kingdom for His glory. I need the God-head to continuously push my heart towards healing and deliverance of sickness, pain and disease of the spirit, soul and body. I need the Holy Spirit to continue to probe around inside of my heart and push me towards the fulness of life through Jesus Christ.

So… Are you focused in on His heart? 🌱#cultivatelife

death · flourishing · heart · languishing

If Truth Called, Would You Answer?

If truth called, would you answer?

Could you tell her what’s happening inside of you right now?

Could you explain to her what you believe in, who you believe in and why you believe?

Would you be able to examine your life and explain who/what placed these beliefs in your mind and why?

And what about your spirit and soul? If you opened up to truth would she find death, decay and a life that’s languishing? Or would she find a glorious, pure and flourishing life that’s capable of giving more life to those around him/her?

And… Most importantly, if truth called, would you be able to boldly say, “My beliefs drive me closer to human connection and the divine rather than farther away?”

I ask all of these questions because I believe having an honest, transparent answer to each one is vital. I also believe truth… Truth is searching for individuals that are confident enough to answer her call with a bold heart ♥️🌱 #cultivatelife

 

develop · follow · grow · keep moving forward · refine

Fully Grasp It

Do you wanna know what moving forward with Holy Spirit looks like for me right now?

It’s choosing to FULLY trust in everything He’s cultivated inside of me.

Yep… I feel challenged deep in my spirit to believe… To FULLY believe in the LIFE He’s helped me refine, develop, nurture, mature and grow.

And, honestly the challenge I feel feels… Well It feels large.

Actually… It’s like there’s a giant tree standing in front of me. A tree that’s blossoming and blooming fruit, flowers and shades of life and glory I never realized existed until I encountered them.

And I’m having to FULLY grasp the truth that everything I see is going on inside of me at this very moment!

And I don’t know where you are right now. My greatest hope is that you’re filled with so much life it’s flowing out of you and touching the lives of those you encounter. However, if you do feel like me, if you’re having trouble believing in what you see… Then PLEASE be encouraged to ask Holy Spirit to reveal truth to you. Please ask Him to fully reveal the LIFE He’s cultivated inside of your heart. And, if you realize there are areas that are languishing and dying, PLEASE be encouraged to ask Jesus to restore them… To restore them totally and completely 🌱 #cultivatelife

challenge · flourishing · freedom · heart · justice · lies, deception & manipulation · vulnerability

What’s Going On In There?

I don’t want to write. Honest to God, I don’t want to at all. It’s become somewhat of a challenge to keep moving forward in this area.

But I must… I must mustard up what’s inside of me to get this done because it’s what Holy Spirit is asking.

Which makes me wonder… Where is my heart right now in the midst of everything? What’s it saying? What’s it doing? How alive and thriving is it? Am I passing constant judgment based around what I see others doing or not doing? Am I talking about people behind their back because it’s in “private,” so they’ll never truly know? Am I praying for those in real, true need? Am I using my God-given dominion and authority to speak to darkness and death and command them to be still and come no further?

What’s going on in there?

And the answer is simple. I am doing all of the above. I am alive. I am thriving. I am passing judgment. I am talking about people behind their back. I am praying for those in real, true need. I am using my God-given dominion and authority to speak to darkness and death.

So… A lot is happening in my heart.

And maybe that’s too honest for you. Hey… Maybe that’s too honest for me. But, well… It’s the truth. And I live by the truth because it sets me free.

Which is why… Deep down, past all of the dark and light inside of me, I want to encourage you to pursue truth. Truth that sets you free from any pride, fear, bitterness, deception or manipulation that have control over your heart. And, in the midst of that, I hope the freedom leads you straight to the heart of God. Because His heart… His heart has the love to heal and restore our newly freed hearts 🌱 #cultivatelife

faith · freedom · soul · Spirit

Deception Called

Deception called. The masses are answering. Manipulation stared us in the eyes. The droves are buying her “truth.”

My soul feels heavy. It’s actually grieving. I feel like I’m watching my dad die all over again, but this time I’m deeply concerned about what will happen to the souls incased within each body.

And I guess He said it would happen like this. He told me, “The masses will be deceived. People you love and care for will not see truth. This is the highest form of deception Amanda. They will call false light “the light.”

But my soul… My soul is still heavy. It grieves.

But then all at the same time the war wages on… It wages, so I must let go, pray and move forward. 🌱⚔️ #cultivatelife #justlive