Spirit · truth

Uncertain Growth

The length of the season I’m in seems shorter than ever now. I do realize my path will eventually change course and evolve into something else. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But I am certain.

Now, in the midst of the certainty, there is great uncertainty.

You see I am certain of God. I am certain of His character, His love, His fellowship and His grace. I am certain of Jesus and His power that propels us into a greater, fuller, freer, healthier life. And I am most definitely certain of Holy Spirit and His ability to be constantly and consistently present. However, the uncertainty… The uncertainty grows.

Actually, this is uncertain growth. It’s a level of spiritual maturity I wasn’t prepared to encounter and embrace. It’s a paradigm shifting moment where Holy Spirit is saying, “Okay, you’ve followed Me for more than a decade. You’ve followed Me in the midst of your brokenness, insecurities, disappointments, pride and pain. And now, now that you’ve walked through all of that, you are standing in a place of glory. You are standing in a position of holiness that is asking you to leave the past behind and let go of your fear of your future. Follow Me in the fullness of that healing and restoration now.”

And so, you see I can’t consider past pain or future failures anymore. This season of stillness has brought me into a place of inner stillness that promises I will move forward, but my soul will stay still. It will not dig up the past in an attempt to interrogate it on end, and it will not leap forward into a hypothetical future. Instead, I will remain still, steadfast, moving ever so forward.

And I believe there is so much to be gained when we view Holy Spirit through this lens. Because, honestly, He cannot be fully understood or quantified. His integrative power is too focused on moving forward with the Father’s plan to restore and fulfill. 

And I guess what I am trying to say is this… Cultivating a deep-rooted relationship with Holy Spirit takes time. It takes time for us to learn how to trust Him. It takes time for Him to know that He can trust us. And it takes time for His intricate process of restoration and redemption to be worked out inside of us. However, after many seasons of following His process of refinement, we will find ourselves in a place of maturity where He says, “Okay, now follow the uncertain, unexplainable, significant nature of My presence, My glory and My heart. Follow it. Trust it. And know, that no matter how fast or slow it might be moving, it is spectacular and full of life!” 🌱

Confidence · soul · Spirit

Steady, Secure and Uncertain

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/781/13106950/files/2015/01/img_2318.pngI feel so uncertain of life… Not knowingness what my next move will be or where life will take me next… And I don’t feel secure in anything more than myself right now…

Because I know I don’t want to nanny forever… And I don’t want to live in Cali forever… But it’s where I am right now… And so living from the now is so important…

But I realized something today… Something that has become so much more true with in the last year….

And that’s that no ones life and future are certain… So many of us live these lives that seem to be so concrete… Like we have the idea that this is how life will go and it won’t change without me planning the change…

And it’s so much easier to welcome change when we’ve planned it… But when it’s unplanned… When suddenly something happens in life we didn’t see coming… Something that truly rocks our foundation at its very core… Well then… Then all of a sudden life is uncertain…

And in saying this I’ve realized that life was uncertain before my dad died… I just didn’t realize it… It was also uncertain before I moved and before I the job I have now… I just didn’t live with an uncertain mindset… A mindset that says “life can change at any moment.. And I’m just here to enjoy and ride it out the best way possible”…

So I’m a way it’s comforting to think everything around me is uncertain… Constantly in a state of movement and changing daily….

And I think it encourages me to continue to be like the nature I see around me… Because nature sees a lot of uncertainly… But the flowers still bloom in the Spring and the leaves still fall in the Fall… They are confident and secure in themselves enough to do what they were created to do… Regardless of what goes on around them…

And I think I should continue to watch nature… And be in awe of what I see and how truly fascinating it is to just live and be with the changes that go on around…

And for me… Today… As I head back to Cali… With a heavy heart…. But a light mind… Well I’m just going to continue to stay steady, secure and so uncertain…