Spirit

Like the Ocean’s Tide…

So it’s been a full week of what I consider serious revelation… Of what feels to be an almost purging of my soul…

And then I had a dream last night… In the dream, at certain periods of the night, water would flood in through cracks in my walls… The water height in the room wasn’t a lot at first… And it drained out like the ocean tide after rushing in…

But as it drained… It would drag things stored under the bed with it…

The floods became multiple… And then big boxes under the bed started to disintegrate…

It’s like I would lay there, hear the water flood in and then watch it rush out as it took things stored underneath with it…

At one point, the water came up to the top of my bed and rushed over the surface…

It tried to pull my journals away… But I grabbed them quickly… Unfortunately the ink on the inside was smeared everywhere… So I had no idea what they said anymore… No idea what my mind was thinking in those moments of life… Or even how I felt…

And I feel like that’s where I am right now spiritually… That this belief system I’m comfortably laying on is going through some serious changes…

That a tide-like thing is washing away what doesn’t need to be there…

And as parts of my belief system disintegrate, they quickly become nothing more than piles of trash, junk…

And then my thoughts that pair with my beliefs… Things I value so much and hold dear… Well it feels like it doesn’t matter how hard I hold onto them… Because, like in the dream, once the water has touched them… They don’t make clear sense anymore…

And this of course makes me somewhat nervous… Because in the midst of it all… Well I feel very detached… Like I’m floating around… And I’m unsure of what is actually solid and stable still…

Spirit

Life from the Canyontop… 

I had a vision of myself recently… I was standing on a canyontop… The wind was blowing fiercely and there was a great drop from the top of where I stood…

That’s when I decided… Aside from what I was feeling… Aside from the spiritual shaking going on all around… Well I decided to stand firm…

Two days ago I was able to experience the Grand Canyon… And I willingly walked out to a very far edge… The wind was fiercely blowing… It could’ve knocked me down…

And then… Then I was hit with the realization of the past month… The course of all that I felt in the midst of life shaking… Of the winds blowing so strongly…

And I couldn’t help but begin to cry… Because in that moment I was so encouraged…

Encouraged to see what I saw a month ago become a reality… A reality that reminded me that standing strong… Standing firm… Standing on the faith of the florishing canyontop… In the midst of the shaking… In the midst of the loss of control… In the midst of the constant unknown…

Well that continuing to stand was the best choice…

And it’s almost like… For the first time… Well I felt like I’ve become the woman I want to be… Or more of her…

Because in the midst of the shaking… Well I realized the it was simply wind… And the wind was simply the movement of the Holy Spirirt…

And though life felt so shaky… (Yes I had one panicked/nervous/nauseous/anxious breakdown)… Well I choose to let Him move… To let Him just move and reorganize life the way He thought it best…

And now… Now I find myself more confident than ever in the truth that standing… Standing in the midst of what seems to be adversity is the best… And that sometimes the adversity of life is brought on by the Holy Spirit’s movement…

And if I just choose to remain calm and stand… Well then I can watch life from the top of the canyon… And stand in amazement of all of God’s goodness and glory…

And I’m ok what that…