Place Holder

Living in NY and working for your sister has its benefits… Like sitting on a trash bag in the rain at 6am while your sister sits across the street from you doing the same. Why were we sitting on trash bags in the rain at 6am?! Because two auditions were being held that day, and Bridget wanted to be seen at both of them! So… of course we have to get up early and wait in line, no matter the weather condition.

Now if you knew me 6 months to a year ago I would’ve complained the entire time and the night leading up to it all; however, God has drastically changed my heart… So I waited with a selfless/grateful heart!

And as I waited (number 34 in a line of at least 100+), I watched my sister stand at the head of her line on the other side… And that’s when revelation began to pour into my mind.

My entire life I’ve been told Jesus was selfless enough to take on all of my problems and pain in life so I could stand in the presence of God. And though I mindlessly believed it all because that’s how I was raised, my heart didn’t grasp any of it.

Well that all changed as I sat in the rain on a trash bag.

You see the path I’m on with God right now has continuously asked me to have a very humble, selfless heart… One that thinks of others before myself. So for the first time in my life I’m beginning to actually see what it might’ve been like for Christ to do something so amazing for us… So that we can live healthy, free lives: spirit, soul and body.

And let me tell you, watching my sister from across the street was really, really exciting. She was at the head of her line, promised a place in the audition room because I was willing to wait and be her place holder in the other line.

And did it pay off? Yeah… it did. She was seen at both auditions, and called back for the line she waited in.

And I guess what I’m trying to say is this… I am just so grateful to have a relationship with the God that continues to make me well from the inside out…  And it’s all because Jesus was selfless enough to stand in line for me. 💃🏻🙌🏻 #cultivatelife

Waiting…

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Have you ever had to wait for something?… But you don’t really know what you’re waiting for?…

I feel like I am waiting on something… Like I cannot move forward in life until something happens… But I don’t know what that is…

And God feels distant from me right now…

Like I have the security of knowing, if I need him, he’ll be right there… And each time I speak to him he answers… But it’s very distant… Like he’s holding back for some reason… And I have no idea what that reason is…

So I suppose I’ll just wait… I’ll just sit back and wait for him to give me whatever I feel like he’s preparing…

And the preparation feels like he’s getting something ready… But he can’t give it to me jut yet…

And honestly… For me… This could be a challenge… To wait… To be patient… To know something good is coming… To feel it around me… But to not know what that something is…

But if I can’t learn how to just be… How to just wait for the weight of something great… Well then I can’t be the woman God is consistently shaping me to be…