Confidence · soul · Spirit · truth

Two Trees

I left social media. I didn’t deactivate my accounts, but I left… Promising myself I would return when I felt I could consume without being burdened by pride, hate, bitterness, anger, jealousy, grief and shame.

That’s what social media does to me. I pick it up with the idea of “connecting” to “share” my world and the truth I’ve experienced while following God, but then I usually leave feeling worse than when I entered.

You see over the past decade I’ve learned how to connect to God. And… through this single, significant connection I’ve allowed Him to lead me as I’ve learned how to cultivate life.

Actually, He’s emptied me of the dying, decrepit life I was living, restored my broken pieces and parts and then filled me up with grace, love, peace, patience and endless joy.

So… when I sit down and begin to eat the fruit of social media, well my seemingly healthy vessel becomes completely overwhelmed. My insides begin to fill with endless, sometimes useless knowledge of good and evil. And, a lot of the time, what I consume begins to pull my human spirit and soul down as it leads me astray. It begins to probe at my heart, in an effort to cause unneeded division, confusion, jealousy, anger and death in me and with those I choose to share it with. Also… somehow, I become like God because I begin to feel the need to shoulder up the burdens of my world…. As if I even have the understanding and wisdom to solve anything outside of what He’s given me.

It’s not supposed to be like that though. God didn’t create us to carry death and decay. He created us to connect to Him through His Son Jesus, and then point others to that same connection so that they might be made well and new too!

Because… You see when we connect to God and Him alone our souls don’t feel burdened anymore. He gives us exactly what we need when we need it, rather than us pridefully, greedily and selfishly taking from other sources. When we humble ourselves and meet with Him on a moment-by-moment basis, He hands us life-giving skills in increments because He never wants to overwhelm our refinement, development, maturity and growth. 🌱#cultivatelife

Spirit · truth

But Why?

Lately I’ve been questioning God about so many things in my life. I’ve asked Him about things I made peace with that have been stirred up inside of me again… I’ve asked Him why certain things aren’t further along than I expected them to be…. And then of course I’ve questioned Him about why I feel confused deep down about His promises for my life.

And while I feel frustrated that He hasn’t given me a clear answer, I found that my grandmother had a piece of wisdom to contribute to the whole.

Yesterday, in mid conversation, she said, “You know, I don’t believe parents should have to tell their children ‘why.’ If a parent says, ‘Because I said so” then they have more wisdom and knowledge. They know better than the child because they’ve lived life and experienced reality.”

After she said this I just kind of sat there and realized her wisdom was the answer to my unanswered questions.

Because whether I want to trust Him or not, God has my best interest at heart. He knows and understands far better than I do. And although I really, really want an answer to suffice me, I don’t need an answer as much as I think I do.

And I don’t know if you ever feel this way, but I do hope you feel encouraged to simply trust the lack of God’s answer to your constant, “But why?!” 🌷💃🏻 #cultivatelife

Mind · soul

Closing My Mouth…

img_8948It’s seems as though there’s an age old battle going on inside of me…And it simply lies in my ability to open and close my mouth…

I was raised in an environment that encouraged me to talk about others…

I can remember having a family dinner one time… I had to have been about 10… My mom, sister and I were sitting there discussing everyone we could think of… Downplaying their existence… Then… Out of nowhere, my dad gets up from the table…

He was angry… Angry that we were gossiping… That we were spending “family dinner” talking about the shortcomings of others…

He just wanted us to stop… To just enjoy the meal before us on the table… But instead we were just gabbing away…

And as I tell this story… Well it causes me to think about how my Heavenly Father has to feel…

God is simply trying to be a part of my day… Each moment… My life… In so many ways… Well he’s asked me to sit down at a table with him and feast on good things…

But I continue to find myself in the corner with the staff… Discussing the shortcomings of all that are seated at the table…

While those at the table are enjoying their meals quietly… Just celebrating… I’m looking for things to downgrade…

And I hate this… So much so that I feel sick… I had dreams last night that weren’t kind…

And I honestly just want to live… I just want to do me… To not become concerned and consumed with others…

And so… I believe moving forward.. Moving forward I need to simply keep my mouth closed…