challenge · heart · holiness

Holiness?

To struggle inwardly and not know or understand it’s true purpose leaves one feeling emotionally exhausted and completely overwhelmed.

And I know there’s a purpose to the struggle I’ve been experiencing for the past few weeks. But… Honestly… Honestly, I can’t begin to tell you what it is. And God seems to be so mysteriously greedy with the details of it all. “Just keep moving forward and trusting me. Be holy as I am holy.” He says.

Holiness… All of this for holiness God?! Really now?!?!

And I get it… Holiness sounds SUPER religious and outdated. So, for just a brief moment, let’s think about it like this…. When I choose to let God empty me of more darkness, it brings more light right? And with that light, I have more space for Holy Spirit right? Okay, so if there’s more Holy Spirit in me because darkness has been let out, then I am holy as He is holy. Right?

Seems simple. Feels… Well the process is a damn struggle on the inside.

But ya know… If darkness never comes out to fight, then how will it ever be conquered by light? And… How can what’s inside of me ever be transformed into true holiness if I’m not willing to surrender and just allow the light to incase the challenge that I feel? 🌱🧐 #cultivatelife #justlive

identity · shaken · soul · Spirit · warfare

Lead… From Within…

The soul… Our minds… Our emotions… Our will… It’s a sticky, tricky place to be…

Truly…

Because I believe… When we have a heart change… A true change within our spirit, well then there’s this thing called our soul… And it almost jumps in the way to protect itself from the unknown…

Saying, “Umm, no! This is not how you trained me and tamed me to act and react to life! So… Now I will fight you on this. I will go round and round until I win, because the way you’ve taught me is what is “right.”

And so, this is where I find myself…

Over the last three weeks, God has been changing my heart… He’s been reorganizing so much on the inside of me… Bringing so much of life into perspective and alignment… And it’s been great… My spirit feels confident, strong and at peace…

But then there’s my soul… And it’s pissed… Because I’m changing…

So, a lot of the things I’ve spent so much time thinking on, well they aren’t worth thinking about anymore… And the things I’ve spent my emotions on are pretty worthless too…

So I find myself in this place… A place where my spirit is trying to lead from within… Totally and completely…

Now, the question is…. Will I allow my soul to step down? To step down and just be?…