Spirit

Not Copy/Paste…

In so many ways…. Well there’s always been a map… A clear guideline and route to follow… One that makes sense to those who look at it…

When we’re finally old enough, school is the destination… 18 years of “prep” school… To prepare us for the real world… The real world that’s then called college…

And from that point… Well we’re placed on another track… One that can seem confusing… And sometimes quite a party… But I guess that’s college…

And from there we’re expected to enter the real world… Get a good job that promises a future and a good promotion… Maybe get married soon (rather than late)… Have a bunch of kids… And then send them through the same system… So they can feel the same roller coaster of emotions… And so that we can tell them “you’ll figure it out. It’ll work out. I promise”….

But for some reason… Well for some reason that entire “copy/paste” mentality is not the way my life has ever really panned out…

Blame it on choosing to follow the Holy Spirit…

Connecting the dots backwards… Well I might’ve “checked off” certain obligated boxes… But my method of getting there and doing so was completely unconventional…

So now it should be no surprise to me that continuing to follow His lead means… Well it means that same as it did then… That this is not a “copy/paste” life… And that I cannot continue to compare myself to those who choose that option for themselves…

Rather… This is an oringal plan… One specifically designed for me by my Father in Heaven…

But sometimes… Well sometimes when I don’t see the outline… The daily checklist… Heck even a weekly slyabus would be nice… When I don’t see those “things” that have pointed the “way” to the next box to check… Well then I get a little nervous…

My mind screams, “What if I mess up?! What if I miss it?? What if this isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing? Gosh I’m nervous about the unknown”…

But then I remind myself that the unknown has never disappointed me… That I’ve never gone, “well not knowing really hurt me”…

So… All in all… Well, living a life that’s not copy/paste has been a constant adventure… One of thrill, excitement and sometimes wandering…

But I believe it’s more of the way we should live… Just being… And having a general idea that anything could happen next…

Spirit

Wandering with Stillness…

Emotions… They can be such a funny thing… A mixture that causes us to feel all sorts of ways at once…

That’s where I am right now… I feel peace in the place I am standing… But at the same time… Deep down… Well i recognize this unfamiliar feeling…

This feeling that my mind communicates as “oh you do not want to experience that feeling… It’s uncommon and unknown…”

Because I feel like in the midst of the peace… In the midst of the stillness… Well there’s this presence of wandering… And it’s a wandering that causes me to simply question, “well Amanda what are you going to do? How are you going to respond to your present?…”

And in a lot of ways wandering can seem negative, but I just don’t feel negativity coming off of this at all…

It’s more like preparation… Preparation that will provide the type of faith I will need in the next season… Really the next chapter of my life…

Because I feel as the world shifts and changes in all sorts of way… Well I feel that this faith is entirely and absolutely necessary…

And I also feel… That with a peaceful, still spirit, soul and mind… Well that it’s pretty simple to cultivate inside of me…

So as I enter this next chapter… This next place of my life… Well I welcome it with gratitude… Gratitude and excitement…

But most importantly… I welcome it with a state of peace and stillness…

Spirit

The Rain…

In so many ways…. In so many ways it seems as though nature always has something impactful to teach me…

And it always comes when I need it the most…

I’ve been working in NYC this week… With plans to return to LA on Sunday… And then I discover that we will be here 14 more days… Which is fine… But I still struggle with control…

And… As much as I hate to admit it… The unexpected still tends to be… Well… Unexpected…

And a lot of the time I don’t like it… Because I’m still working towards allowing the unexpected to be a part of the way life is… The pattern it seems to follow…

And then comes nature… And the rain… Because for the past 4 days… Well I’ve been preparing for the rain… For a big storm…

And guess what?… This tropical storm… The one that worked its way up the east coast… Well it did what most tropical storms do… It turned…

Now… Now all of the rain I’ve been expecting… The precipitation I’ve been preparing everyone for… Well it’s not coming… Because the unexpected happened…

And I don’t mind the absense of rain… Because honestly rain means I can’t go on my daily 5 mile run… And that’s something I thoroughly enjoy about my day…

But the change in the forecast has taught me something… That… Once again… In life and in nature… Well I can think in my mind that I know what’s going to happen… I can lie to myself and trick myself into believing “this is the outcome”… But in the end… Well as things play out they tend to shift… Shift and change accordingly…

And that’s when I have to remind myself that my lack of the ability to control a situation… A possible weather pattern… Well that doesn’t mean life is going to suck… And it doesn’t mean that I won’t enjoy the actual outcome… Because in reality… The outcome of what wasn’t predicted will probably be so much better than what I envisioned…

And so… In moments like this… It’s best to just live… To just live and move foward…